Now that I am high, I think I've come with a powerful self realization. I am an asshole. There's no other way to explain it. Im a plain, staight up asshole and rather than speak up and say things I keep them to myself because I'm scared i will be an asshole. I think it's because I'm incapatble of forming close bonds with anyone, probably because that part of my brain is shrunken. That, or because for some reason I'm scared they'll hurt me. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just nervous. But then again, nervous people are just mild skitzofrenics, and I'm not crazy. Or at least I dont think I am. I need to force myself to go outside of myself and accept love into my life, so I no longer feel empty. It's funny now, I can distinctly see a soul that lives inside someone and permeates thorought everything that they do. For so long, in peoples look and speech etc etc, I have only been seeing the phenotype when I should have been looking at their genotype (soul). I just typed a whole lot more but I read it back to myself and it didnt make a bit of sense so I deleted it. But yeah, like I said, I think I'm an asshole and I dont know what to do.