well first off, wow dude, wiked story.
it bothers me that you only smoke alone, you seem to be stuck in a emotional circle. your realizing it so thats good, find a way to break out the circle. first thing that hits me is to stop or devert the source $, but you probly got some good hookup if youve smoked 2years straight.
pick up a hobby!
get your mind off it!
how hard can that be? actually i stopped from heavy use like 5 years ago(DANM!) it wasnt hard, but then again i was under scare tactics from a looney nuerologist. lol still the URGE wasnt bad.
now i smoke alot, only the bombest buds i can get my bowl around. i work as a cnc machinist so i deal with LOTS of numbers, i havent had any problems.
happy and comftorble, they call me high.
good luck