I don't think your problem lies with weed, I think the problem (just like any potential happiness) lies within yourself.

For the longest time I was obsessed with death. Not the physical pain of dying, which I was also afraid of, but what comes after -- the thought of non-existence is something that's difficult to wrap one's head around, in fact it's impossible for us to fully concieve because we don't not-exist. I think people therefore create a preconcieved idea and emotion for death, the 'empty blackness' that you mentioned. But think about it, man. If what happens when we die is that we no longer exist, it's not as if we're suddenly smothered under an inescapable darkness forever. When you're alive, you need light to percieve dark, and dark to percieve light. When you're dead, you percieve neither, because you simply aren't there.

I know it's a frightening concept, not being here... and in a way we do create reality. What would light be if it never touched our eyes? What would sound be if it never touched our ears? What would anything be if it was never pondered by our brains? When you die, this simantical world that we've built... this universe of words and symbols will simply no longer be viewed as such by you. But that's nothing to fear at all, because the world of words and symbols we have built, our senses, our concepts of future and past, are all Maya -- they are an illusion. The past was never here, it's only ever been now. The future will never come, it will only ever be now. Material possessions, your house, your cat, your own body; they're not objects, but events. Your memories, like everything we percieve, are echoes of reality, but they too only exist in the present, nothing 'fades away' into the past, just like you won't 'fade away' into blackness when you die. The event that is 'you' simply shifts to another state of being.

That probably comes off as a lot to digest, but you seem like an intelligent person, so I don't doubt that if you keep seeking answers, you'll find them in good time.

Happy trails.