the ruined carpets and drapes i could put up with, but now she's gone entirely too far. i just looked out my front door and saw a bunch of guys in helmets and funny white dresses nailing my gardener jesus to a cross. who the hell's gonna mow the lawn?! i think this broad has watched too many charlton heston movies. i tried texting the big guy, but i think he's drunk. probably shacked up with a hooker in tj.

well, i've gotta get to work. hopefully the big dude will be sobered up soon and we can get this whole thing sorted out. just in case, you might keep an eye out for stray lightning bolts. i plan on keeping my head down 'til.... damn it, now it's raining frogs and i forgot to put new wiper blades on the truck. will this shit never end!?