I'm better off dead...

[CYRAX]

dude i don't know what else you want anyone else to say or comment on, shoulda stopped smoking when you were on probation... as impossible as it may seem... better to be sober for however long you got probation and out in the free and able to do pretty much w/e else you want, then be in prison/jail and have everything stripped from you, including asshole virginity... that's just not for me, if i was on probation i wouldn't even touch weed... probation is basicly a warning, atleast in their eyes... you fuck up that, and they take it as you dont' care about what they do to you and lock you up... fucked up situation, yes i know... but in all honesty, only you can prevent the consequences should you not follow their orders... but going to prison/jail/juvi (actually in this case if you get anything, it's going ot be juvi, which isn't anything.. trust me... lol... i can't tell you how pussified it is... atleast compared to the alternatives when you get older, i was there for well over a year...) is hardly worth killing yourself over... there's a saying, and i know it doesn't sound right in this situation, but it's about the best advice i can think of it.. "you did the crime, now do your time" even if we don't see it as a crime, they do...

just trust me dude, even if you get a court date, and get sent to juvi, it's hardly anything to worry about... maybe you have images built up in your head of what being locked up is really like (i know i did) but it's nothing like those images... it's almost like being at summer camp... no rape, no real fights unless you just have a problem with someone, i mean it CAN happen, but doesn't that someone is just going to walk up to you and start shit with you... there is no gangs or groups, there is only "friends"

if you do happen to get thrown in juvi, just listen to my advice... as i fucked up while i was in there (selling pills for [meal]trays and such...) do your time and be done with it, don't cause no problems, dont' do shit that is against their rules, kiss your case workers ass, and show off how much of a role citizen you can be, atleast here, your caseworker is the one who decides when you're 'fit' enough to be released back into society.... and you can get out relatively fast... a month at most, if you do exactly what you're supposed/need to do... read this post carefully as it may spare you extra months in the fuckhole that you dont' really need/want...

i seen alot of people in there, that liked to act all big and bad ass, fight with the CO's (which NEVER turned out well, i mean common sense tells you that you don't fuck with someone that can bench press twice your weight, when fights break out, there's something around here that's called 'slamming' basicly the CO in charge of the unit throws your ass around, it's supposed to just be seperating the fight, but alot of them just do it for fun... i remember watching this one dude get thrown all over a unit, into brick walls, the metal showers, everything.. all because he started slurring racial comments and when someone hit him he hit them back, then the [black] CO stepped in to stop the fight, only he wasn't stepping in to stop the fight he was stepping in to put the dude through hell, and i admit, the dude deserved it, may not have been regulation, but he deserved it nonetheless... anyways, point is they all ended up being bitches to the CO's, and you fight back with one of them, first you're going to get your ass beat down by that CO, then you're going to get sent somewhere even worse, and ontop of that get more time added...

just go in there acting like the role model citizen, dont' fuck with anyone, DO NOT SNITCH ON ANYONE, and your stay will be like a summer camp... the only reason i say don't snitch on anyone other then just an general honor code among 'criminals' is because it will just make your life harder, everyone wil hate you, everyone will treat you like shit, resident and CO alike, and it will not take any time off your stay, even if your caseworker says he'll let you out sooner if you 'help him out' it's not true...

another tip, if you go to a 'drug counselor' and they start asking you about what drugs you've done, do NOT tell them everything, and by far minimize the drugs you're caught for... the juvi i was in, had a drug unit, 6 months added onto your time instantly so you can go through the drug program... no longer, no shorter... then you gotta consider the fact you gotta wait in line, as there are numbers of people in gen. pop. just waiting to get a bed int he drug unit so they can start their actual time... if it you just happened to get in when everyone just started, you're fucked, that's a year, if you get in one of the next beds available... because now you don't only gotta server your 6 months drug treatment time, you also gotta wiat for the people ahead of you to go through theirs...

like i said, dont' go in there talking shit, don't go in there revealing secrets, and do not try to act all big and bad ass because of all the drugs you've done (you'd be surpised how many in there tried to act bad ass with all the drugs they've done and ended up paying for their blabber mouth in the end) do what you gotta do, and get the hell outta there... that don't mean you can't have friends in there, don't even mean you have to let someone take your trays, or bully your ass around... but whatever you do, DO NOT start anything... the CO's even if you think they're not, are constantly watching what's going on, and they WILL know who initiated the fight, and whoever did, will get the worst end of the stick...

Thanks for the detail in your reply, I'm sure it would help alot if I was sent to juvi because i wouldn't be a hard ass and wouldn't piss the CO's off, I would try as hard as possible to be a "nice guy".

But the thing is it's a 18 month rehab program, not sure how those work but I'm probably not willing to go.

[CYRAX]

Stop treating yourself like one then.

Stop being a dick, I admit that I do criminal actions sometimes, maybe not what i consider a criminal act, but what they do.

[pu ekot]

Considering how you said yourself that you smoke to escape home problems, you probably should be in rehab.

Considering the fact that you claim you will kill yourself if you have to go to rehab, you should probably be in therapy.

[CYRAX]

Considering how you said yourself that you smoke to escape home problems, you probably should be in rehab.

Considering the fact that you claim you will kill yourself if you have to go to rehab, you should probably be in therapy.

no therapist is gonna change shit, OMFG YOUR GONNA KILL YOURSELF YOUR INSANE YOU NEED HELP, all that is bullshit man, no one makes me think differently but myself...

My mom is calling my PO tommorow, I'm hoping for the best, I'll stay away from the trees if I get granted this final chance..

[slipknotpsycho]

Thanks for the detail in your reply, I'm sure it would help alot if I was sent to juvi because i wouldn't be a hard ass and wouldn't piss the CO's off, I would try as hard as possible to be a "nice guy".

But the thing is it's a 18 month rehab program, not sure how those work but I'm probably not willing to go.

meh, rehab programs are all pretty much the same... it's pretty much bullshit imo, they try to put you in touch with your feelings, get you to understand 'why you use drugs' (like, it's so impossible to beleive someone does it just for fun? lol) and all this other touchy-feely crap... give you a homework type thing assignment weekly, no right or wrong answers tho, questions designed for them 'to see how your mind works' and what not... no one changes unless they want to, i really don't understand why these people make the effort, something like 70% of users, will go back to using within just a few months, another 10% in just a couple of years..

[pu ekot]

no therapist is gonna change shit, OMFG YOUR GONNA KILL YOURSELF YOUR INSANE YOU NEED HELP, all that is bullshit man, no one makes me think differently but myself...

My mom is calling my PO tommorow, I'm hoping for the best, I'll stay away from the trees if I get granted this final chance..

No, it's really not like that. I can't explain right now, I can barely see the keys. I will explain it now.

[BobBong]

I'm not being a dick man.. I'm simply trying to make you realize what the fuck it is you're actually saying...

You just need to stop and seriously look at what it is you're saying.

You're over reacting.

[CYRAX]

I'm not being a dick man.. I'm simply trying to make you realize what the fuck it is you're actually saying...

You just need to stop and seriously look at what it is you're saying.

You're over reacting.

Yeah I just realized that afew minutes ago, I'm starting to think of what can be possitive out of this, like preharps she DOES give me the final chance, sorry for being rude previously but i'm in a damned mood.

I'll be sure to let yall know how the phone conversation goes tommorow.

Wish me luck everyone.

[mamma puffpuff420]

u sound like u need 2 st8in out ur shit
i would imagin u brought all this on urself
quit winein bout it and take care of ur business
only u can st8in out ur life

[birdgirl73]

Good luck, Cyrax, with that phone call tomorrow. Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life in front of you. And if you can do that better with some structured help, maybe that's meant to be. One thing's for sure. You wouldn't be better off dead. You'd be dead. And you'd have destroyed a whole bunch of other people's lives in the process. I don't think you really would want to do that, but that's how it'd play out. Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family with, no matter how messed up they may be. It's a permanent solution to temporary problems.