lol, thanks GHoST, you rock too, dude lol
And MJM, I dunno about 900 numbers over here , but ya never know

I dunno what it is, really.

One the one hand, I'm happy.
I can do like I did yesterday, and submerge myself in deep meditation and listen to cool tunes, without anyone telling me that I'm wasting time or being a slob. I can flick on the PS2, and rally around the world like a mad-man, or blast down the streets of Tokyo in a Formula 1 car.
When my kids come at the weekend, I enjoy their company (even if I still have to be stern with them on occasion ). Their arrival is something that I look forward to every week, they are a testament to at least two decent things that I've done in my life.
I can have my own space and time, without having to pander to anyone else's needs.
So, that's all good.

However, I do feel trapped within a system that I don't agree with.
I have also done things that have destroyed certain aspects of my life, for which I feel guilt and shame. I have trusted and been betrayed, and I have also been trusted and have betrayed. I feel disappointment at where I am in my life; I have a shed full of qualifications that I've never used, in favour of chasing a childhood dream. Well, I've lived the career dream, and now I'm in a rut. Driving is all very exciting and fun when you're young, but it gets less rewarding as you get older, I have found.

I dunno, it's lots more than that.
Like, since I was young I began questioning the way things were done, not just in this country (UK) but throughout the world. As I've grown older (and hopefully a little wiser), I see more and more evidence of how we are manipulated and trapped into this unseen 'protocol'. I also see how people have changed into mindless zombies, intent on only one thing - "What's in it for me?"
There seems to be little comradery anymore, no community spirit.
Only the other week, a woman lay unconscious in the middle of a busy road, and people were just driving AROUND her body, like it was a trash bag! I mean, what have we become?
People, generally, don't seem to care anymore.
Look at all the litter that lines the streets.

And then there is this growing feeling that democracy is failing.
The public says NO, the government say FUCK YOU.
They tax the workers to the point of bankrupcy, and give all the money to those who can't be bothered to subscribe to the laws of society, let alone contribute to it!
We've religious nut-cases dictating how we should live our lives, by using mass hysteria as their preaching tool.
Criminals go unpunished, victims suffer more, and beaurocracy is killing rain forests by the acre, every second of the day.
The roads are becoming clogged to the point of grid-lock and are populated by people who wouldn't know the first thing about road-craft, let alone public safety.
The police are more interested in catching folk who travel at 3mph over the designated speed-limit, whilst murderers, rapists, and child-molesters are left to run riot.
And woe-be-tide if the criminal feels hard done by, they have a better standard of living than most law-abiding citizens.

Then there's my personal life.
I'm working as hard as I can to rebuild my life (again), and yet I face imminent bankruptcy due to the crippling taxes imposed upon me by a government that I have no respect for, and the debts that I am liable for that my ex-wife had amassed without my consent.

There's more, but you'll all start thinking that I'm a moany old bastard

But, in amongst all this darkness, a little light still shines bright.
Party Res is often on show
You'll see him when replying to some posts on here...that cheeky, abstract, tangential beast, that pokes fun at the darkside and hopes to raise a smile to those kind enough to read them
I'm often (unwittingly) the centre of attention, and like nothing more than to entertain people with witty anecdotes, wry comments, and the odd funny walk lol.
I'm a bit of a DJ too, and love getting people moving with my carefully chosen top tunes lmaooo...is a bigger buzz than any drug, I can assure you. I played in Glastonbury once, only a small crowd..but whoa...what a rush!

Once met, never forgotten

Sounds a bit big headed of me, doesn't it.
But there you go.

One day, we will all meet up somewhere, and you'll discover that my darkness is something that I reserve for myself - I know when to lock it away, and let Res come out to play lmaoo

This community of people here, has been a real life-saver for me...believe.
I relish the fact that I can be who I am (darkness included, sorry lol), and that I can share my thoughts on all matters (light and dark) with people that can relate to most of what I'm saying. I don't think that there is a single person here that would not be welcome in my home at any time, and I kinda feel part of a family.
I like that I am able to offer some advice to those that need it, and that I can get advice from those self-same people.
After all, I don't know everything.........just most of it bwhahahaha (j/k )

Geez, I wrote a fricking essay again
Probably went on a bit of a tandem, too!
Ah well, I am a complex individual with many ideas and conflicting emotions...definition: Human

Thanks guys