so Res, you are you making the claim the you truly know what good and bad are...? I don't think thats possible in our universe of infinite possibilities.

When I was younger I used to sit around and dwell on what could have been but never will be and I used to think I too was depressed. However, I became enlightened as to what feelings really are. All these things you think you feel in your mind are only extremely complex chemical reactions brought on by the nourishment you provide or fail to provide yourself. All you have to do is realize that when it gets down to the bottom line, YOU are causing all these conflicting thoughts and feelings within yourself. You are in total control of your inner self Res. There are no two parts of your person (unless your a schitzo LoL). Realizing that is the only way to achieve zen and the drive to carry on your existence in a positive manner for those that rely on and trust you.

Peace (i'm sorry to say i didnt enjoy reading about you feeling sorry for yourself Res, well written though it was)