sometimes i wonder if it would have been easier on everyone but him, if it was a slow, expected death... but then i think about the pain i would feel sitting there staring at my beloved family, whithering away to nothing, with absolutely nothing to do, not even if you had the most money in the world... i think that would make it like, watching the same person die twice, make it twice as hard... i must commend you, you do seem to be a very strong person, and holding up well.... after my brother died, i didn't want to do anything, for atleast awhile, i had no desire for anything, it was just waking up, doing what it takes to stay alive (eating, drinking [i dont' mean alcohol, drinking as in staying hydrated] and the essientals)

well i hope you can stay strong, since i don't really ever show emotion (sometimes i think of myself as a mannequin, i rarely let my true feelings come out) i guess that made me the unannonymous (sp?) 'strenght' of 'the family' my mom blames herself, and it's hard trying to convince a mother that it's not her fault, death is really never anyones fault, unless there's a person that took another person's life... but it seems, anyone close to the deceased can always find a way it's their fault, either they didn't do enough, or they did too much...

i tell you, it's really hard to be the strength sometimes... especially when deep inside you're really cracking, and just wanting to give in..