either way you go with it, you're going to wish you did the other... if you decided to take the 'clean' route, you'd end up wishing you lived your life more the way you wanted to, rather then what authority has set out for you, if you went the party route, there will probably always be that thought of what if, what could i have become if i focused entirely on my future... so yeah, pick one and live it to the fullest... but be aware that choices somtimes carry heavier consequences then they are worth..