What is it that you desire?

I ask this question because it's hard to gauge what you want. You obviously love this girl, but it seems you seemed to invest a lot of energy into this relationship and I get this "I love her, but I'm tired" vibe off you. You seem to do a lot of the little things to make it work.

Meanwhile, find more about yourself. You have become assimilated in a relationship now divided, you have the time to assess your dreams and goals and do anything your heart desires. You have inner pain as energy, use it. Don't let go to waste in wallowing.