also i think we would still be friends afterward, just b/c i would make sure to tell her that first and foremost she is my best friend, this is something i wrote to maybe read to her (i'm better at writing than w/ words, reefer's got my tongue). there is a few references in here u probably won't get, but she said to me that my sister "would hold her hand anywhere", (it's part of the reason she likes her as i said her, cuz my sis doesn't care), but i want her to understand i dont care either cuz i love her

"Let me start out by telling you first & foremost you're my best friend & i would never want to do anything to change that. your frienship is too valuable to me. but this is wearing so heavy on my heart & it's the reason i've been so upset about yr feelings for my sister. it's too goddamn hard to think about you two together, i really did make myself sick, especially becuase i'm the one that loves you. I would hold yr hand anywhere. i didnt always feel this way but in a way i have always loved you.
i kno you would probably never want to be w/ me but i couldnt live with it anymore. it just fucking sucks paying for that fucked up shit that happened to me 6 years ago, because it will affect all the relationships i ever have.
i dont want things to have to be awkward or for you to feel self-conscious or whatever whenever we're together b/c i dont think it should. i want to be your friend no matter what."