rap i wrote

[blazed620]

Heres a little rap i wrote one day while i was bored in school. Its pretty dirty but i doubt any of you will care...so tell me what u guys think, i need some feedback


My wet dreams result in a wet bed
Cause I got thoughts in my head of you naked
I wanna slap the ass of that trailer park trash
Then blow my load in her trailer park ass
She got real real long bleach blonde hair
And it'll still feel wrong but I don't care
Cause I'll fuck her all day and fuck her all night
Then bust in her eye so she loses her sight
I'll fuck her on the couch then fuck her on the bed
Then open up her mouth and fuck her in the head
She'll be loose as a goose when I finish my duty
And when it's all said and done I'll fuck her in the booty

blazed620 Reviewed by blazed620 on 10-15-2006. rap i wrote Heres a little rap i wrote one day while i was bored in school. Its pretty dirty but i doubt any of you will care...so tell me what u guys think, i need some feedback My wet dreams result in a wet bed Cause I got thoughts in my head of you naked I wanna slap the ass of that trailer park trash Then blow my load in her trailer park ass She got real real long bleach blonde hair And it'll still feel wrong but I don't care Cause I'll fuck her all day and fuck her all night Rating: 5

[smoke it]

sounds like your standard bored stoner rap song

[baisez le monde.]

hmm...huh..... trailer trash eh?

[Lethal G]

as the others have said...it's just your typical stoned rap song.

If you really want some constructive criticism, try to be more creative with your approach. Try to use more metaphors and up your vocabulary a bit. Multi's would be a good incorporation as well. Also, the whole "I'm horny and want to decribe sexual encounters with a trailer trash whore" theme just doesn't appeal to me. Granted, there are some good sexual rap songs, but many of the appealing ones incorporate the use of creative components that capture people's attention. That's the goal you should go for.

Not trying to get ya down or anything, just trying to give you some good pointers to go on.

[poiuyt]

Sounds pretty much like all the rap I've ever listened to.

[blazed620]

it wasn't supposed to be THAT good guys....i was bored one day in class and it all came off the top of my head pretty fast. Im not a rapper lol

[blazed620]

it wasn't supposed to be THAT good...i just did this for fun off the top of my head one day in class....im no rapper...this was just supposed to be funny lol

[baisez le monde.]

well it was funnnyyyyy.....


"Cause I'll fuck her all day and fuck her all night
Then bust in her eye so she loses her sight"

[MastaChronic]

heres a rap that i DIDNT write, but its still pretty cool
NINJA- violent J

Damn I wish I could be a Shogun Samurai
so I could swing a sword and make necks fly
I'd go to school and ninja-crawl
through tha halls
n' then I'd jump out n' stab bitches in the balls
cuz I remember these kids from tha playground
everybody'd hang around
we were all down
but then we grew up, n' everybody turned away
n' now they dissin' me, yellin', "fuck Nerdy-J"
I sit n' think at how it changed as I got olda'
as I think I draw a ninja on my folda
what I would do if I only had a ninja sword
you'd see blood start flingin' on tha chalkboard
I'd tell tha whole class, "nobody move a jiggle,
first one that do I'll make yer fuckin' neck wiggle."
everyone wold start jockin', tha news would take my picta'
DAMN I wish I could be a ninja

After I was done killin' all tha yuppie fucks
all tha poor kids would come n' swing from my nuts
and I would walk home feelin' like a Samurai
I'd walk in tha house, and see my momma cry
I's ask why
she'd point to my drunkin' pops
he tried ta hit her again, but that shit STOPS
I kick him in his throat, you hear his neck break
I throw a roundhose and knock his beard off his face
I tell him, "Dad, now look at all your broken glass,
why don'tcha pick it all-up n' stick it in yer ass."
I watch him do it, "Now hurry up ya take fo'eva'."
when he was done I'd squeeze his butt-cheeks togetha'
"Now get tha FUCK out my house, neva' come back!"
I throw a chinese star, stick him in his ass-crack (Ahhhh)
I turn to my mudda, "I'm sorry that he hit'cha!"
DAMN I wish I could be a ninja

If I could be a ninja, my daddy'd be dead
but I still gotta go ta work, n' pay tha rent
I flip frenchfries
for $2.25
Mr. Donny works here he's fuckin' 45
but he'd think he "da' shit" cuz he's da' boss
I guess he don't know that his life is a loss
I walk in....about 5 minutes late...
cuz I was tryin' ta clean tha blood off my ninja blade
so, Mr. Donny wanna try n' get up in my face
screamin' at me, sweatin' ova' this place
mad cuz I'm late, he's no betta' than me
just another bitch workin' for next ta' free
I thought him out, takin' money, just steal
n' cuttin' up his body, n' fry him on tha grill
but he's too fuckin' wack, n' I could kill dis bitch
n' I don't even need ta be a ninja

the raps pretty good, heres a link to it
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...ndID=119038425

[4gan2ja0]

pretty funny, pretty good for something you just made up in class.