you just need to give yourself a reason to live. Actively. Get a hobby like playing music, or martial arts, or some sport, or find something interesting to study that the pursuit of which will drive you on.

I'll agree with Devious that impermanence is here to stay (or maybe not), but its all so superficial. Beneath the masks we all wear this world is inhabited with countless people who are more like you than you might suspect. Maybe they just don't have the courage to take off the masks yet.

I'll also agree with Itsaplant that you're one of the most insightful posters on the board and I look forward to reading what you bring to each thread. I think you've got a sharp and analytic mind and that can make it hard when you try to make sense out of the world, because much of the world is clearly nonsensical.

everything you've brought up is a physical process. But maybe physical processes aren't all there are. I'm not willing to give up on communication just yet. I think just about everyone here is pulling for you and saying the same thing if you just read between the lines.

best.