Getting over past loves...

[S.L.D. 420]

Dude, this is the kind of stuff i try not to think about. Because then I start thinking like... "well if only I did this, or that." It makes me mad and sad.

[CheebaMan]

i find that when im high i find better words to say and im not afraid to express my true feelings

[orangeman]

Get over it and say fuck it, thats what I do .

[Samwhore]

I know exactly how you feel. There's a girl who I have never completely gotten over. It's like everytime you talk to her, you both feel the love, despite all the pain you both went through. You have to accept the fact that these feelings won't ever go away. I spent years trying to forget about her, and I know it's the same with her. Even to this day, everytime we talk, there's an innuendo that will always suffice, an aura so powerful you succumb.

that was beautiful, and it hurts so bad knowing that they hurt you, you feel empty without them, when you think about them, you think of the good times with them. but those good times make the pain so much worse because then you think about the "what if..." part of the relationship and you want to go back running into their arms and have them hold you like they once did. but then when you go back after all these years it can light up or life or shatter the light even more

[DannyMan]

If your fish dies...find another one.

[BlueDevil]

It's a hard thing...no argument here.


I've found the best way is to focus on the aspects of your past lover that didn't sit right with you.

Example: My first real, hotter-than-the-sun romance was with a girl I went to high school with, but we didn't hook up until the summer of our freshman college year. Turned into a 3 year relationship with the 1st year being absolutely HEAVEN. I was flat-out stupid for this girl, but always pretty weirded out by her desire to sing at me. And by that, I mean we'd be partying or hanging out or whatever and she would just start humming then singing, like, in my ear. She had an OK voice but I'm sorry it was annoying and weird, and apart from her penchant to make funny noises when I was drilling her, probably the only thing about her that I looked at negatively. Can't complain about the latter cuz it involved me getting laid.

Anyway, whenever I reminesce about the hot-headed days of yore and my first real love, I find the need to immediately focus on her damn wannabe Celion Dion routine in order to not feel completely depressed and detract from the wonderful relationship I currently enojoy.



my 0.02...

[someuser]

I think it might be time to go talk to someone or seek some help, especially if the anguish over this young lady is affecting your ability to function and to move on with your life. Sounds to me like the drugs and alcohol you've said you've resorted to in recent months are just making the problem worse, and it's not likely to get better on its own. A few sessions with a good counselor or even possibly a hypnotherapist can't hurt.

I tried counseling and that didnt work at all. I tried anti-depressants (several) and that didnt work. Weed and alcohol does work but unless I live life stoned and drunk I still have that idy bitty problem of when I'm sober

The thing you've got to break is the pattern of obsessing about this young lady. She's made a choice in another direction that she's going to have to stick with. And you have to work hard at not reinforcing the obsessive thoughts about her by continuing to think them. Everytime you go through the process of thinking about her and tormenting yourself about her, you help reinforce and strengthen that pattern in your mind. So to break that cycle and feel better, you've got to consciously start thinking other thoughts. That's not always easy, but I guarantee that when you do you'll begin to feel better.

Take a class. Get some exercise. Volunteer to help people who are less fortunate. Get out and cultivate new friendships and relationships, whether they interest you or not. The distractions and new stimulation will be good for you. That's why some counseling will help, too, to help you see what you're doing and how you're reinforcing your own sadness. Do everything you can to make a conscious effort not to keep brooding and obsessing about her.

Good, sound advice birdgirl73 but like you said easier said then done

I have, however, been reevaluating my spiritual outlook on life... I was born a Catholic but I never felt comfortable with Christianity (way too many contradictions). I have always been interested in and drawn to Wicca and I've decided to really involve myself in learning more about it as a way to not only 'heighten' my spirituality but hopefully also find some peace.


Best I've been able to come up with...

[B u M b L ee K y]

Life is too short to worry about the things in the past. Life goes on. Love each day while living it to the fullest.

[birdgirl73]

Sounds like a good approach, Someuser, certainly as good as many others. Maybe you'll find some spiritual sustenance there. I don't know much about Wiccans except that fundamentalist Christians don't approve of them, which makes them alright in my book. I know many Wiccans find a lot of peace in nature and embrace the natural world with great reverence. I like that.

As far as counseling's concerned, try and keep an open mind. Just because one counselor didn't work doesn't mean it's not without value, even someday perhaps for you. There are lots of different counselors and lots of different therapies, many very helpful. People need to want to do therapy in order for it to succeed, however, and many do not. Also, I think hypnosis is a very good tool for helping re-target unconscious patterns and thoughts, and it's very calming, too. Just keep these things in mind for the future when you might be ready for other tools.

[someuser]

I've found the best way is to focus on the aspects of your past lover that didn't sit right with you..

Zip, zero, natta. They say no one is perfect but she was perfect for me. I loved everything about her. The entire 2.5yrs with her I never once was tempted nor desired any other woman on any level... Even now, I cant find any girls that can come close to her.

She has the most beautiful thick long brown hair and deep brown eyes... Think Natalie Portman from Star Wars II when they were on Naboo with the waterfalls in the background... She had this heart of gold, loved kids, loved animals, she was just so... Pure. She honestly was angel like. And the nights together were just so intense... I never felt so close to someone. It was like heaven on earth. Her family was like a 2nd family to me and everyone treated me like family in return. I was an 'honorary' uncle to her niece... I mean I could go on and on but I can safely say, even after all these years, I cant find anything wrong with her... Even after all the pain I cant resent her at all. All I can do is feel empty inside; Lost. It's a feeling that is with me 24/7... I cant sleep, I cant keep a steady job down, I have no desire to hang out with friends or do the things I use to love... All I wanted to do for the last 6yrs was to die... I just have been too chicken shit.