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  1.     
    #1
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Anyone here have any tips or tricks?

    I've been 'stuck' on this one girl I dated in HS... We dated from 97' to 2000 and I havent seen her since Jan. of 2000... But I think of her every day. It was one of those 'love at first sight' things and we had a very passionate 2.5yrs together.

    We kept in contact since the 15th of this September until I finally told her I couldnt keep this email thing going anymore... She told me she still was in love with me and thinks of me every day... *BUT* she thought it was over and didnt think there wasnt a chance we would get back together... So, she basically ran away and ended up pregnant and getting married... She feels an obligation to her son to have his real father in his life bla bla bla... Basically, she made the decision to stay with her husband...

    Thing is I cant get over her. I go through gfs like girls go through toliet paper... And that isnt my personality. Sometimes I'll just break-up with a gf just on the spur of the moment or I'll break up over the most little of little things. I'm starting to get worried that I'll never let myself fall in love again or atleast get into a long-term relationship.


    I was thinking getting hypnotized into forgetting about her completely... I dunno know though if that is even possible... I tried the whole dating other girls and hanging with my friends... It doesnt work... It's been 6 years now! Anyone here have any suggestions?
    someuser Reviewed by someuser on . Getting over past loves... Anyone here have any tips or tricks? I've been 'stuck' on this one girl I dated in HS... We dated from 97' to 2000 and I havent seen her since Jan. of 2000... But I think of her every day. It was one of those 'love at first sight' things and we had a very passionate 2.5yrs together. We kept in contact since the 15th of this September until I finally told her I couldnt keep this email thing going anymore... She told me she still was in love with me and thinks of me every day... *BUT* she Rating: 5
    :weedpoke:

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  3.     
    #2
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    I know exactly how you feel. There's a girl who I have never completely gotten over. It's like everytime you talk to her, you both feel the love, despite all the pain you both went through. You have to accept the fact that these feelings won't ever go away. I spent years trying to forget about her, and I know it's the same with her. Even to this day, everytime we talk, there's an innuendo that will always suffice, an aura so powerful you succumb.

    Trying to erase what can't be erased is impossible. It's okay to love her, but you have to accept the fact that life isn't fair, how events and decisions divide people from each other like a road that forks.

    You want to love, don't let your selfish desires run your life. You can wish all you want, what could've been, but it won't change your outlook. Everyday is a new day, and life is so unpredictable, the next day, you could be dead.

    Live life the way you wish to live it. That's all you can do. Don't let your problems run your life. When you live life the way you want too, you will fall in love again.

    It's tough, I know exactly how you feel. It'll help if you don't try to talk to her often. Send her birthday wishes, and keep it at that. You gotta get over the addiction to those particular emotions. Good luck man.
    Happiness only real when shared

  4.     
    #3
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Love is more addictive then any drug

  5.     
    #4
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Quote Originally Posted by thcbongman
    I know exactly how you feel. There's a girl who I have never completely gotten over. It's like everytime you talk to her, you both feel the love, despite all the pain you both went through. You have to accept the fact that these feelings won't ever go away. I spent years trying to forget about her, and I know it's the same with her. Even to this day, everytime we talk, there's an innuendo that will always suffice, an aura so powerful you succumb.
    Man, that touches way to close to home... I honestly didnt think anyone else knew what it feels like... I mean people tell one another they 'love' each other all the time but most of the time it is 99% bullshit... Real love... It is something so much more then what the average couple tries to pass off as love.

    But when you do find real love the only emotion more intense then being with that person is being without that person. Back in the day if we went more then 3 days without each other it was enough to drive us to do anything it took to see one another... Multiply that by 6 yrs and it feels so unbearable at times... I dont like the idea of this 'never going away'.

    Quote Originally Posted by thcbongman
    You want to love, don't let your selfish desires run your life. You can wish all you want, what could've been, but it won't change your outlook. Everyday is a new day, and life is so unpredictable, the next day, you could be dead.

    Live life the way you wish to live it. That's all you can do. Don't let your problems run your life. When you live life the way you want too, you will fall in love again.
    I hear what you're saying, I just dont know how to make those steps to living the way I wish to live... All I wish is to live life with her. Without her, everything seems hollow... Girls, sex, money, my job... Everything means nothing to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by thcbongman
    It's tough, I know exactly how you feel. It'll help if you don't try to talk to her often. Send her birthday wishes, and keep it at that. You gotta get over the addiction to those particular emotions. Good luck man.
    Well, to my credit, I did tell her she would never be hearing from me again. She replied she promised never to email me again. I dont know if that will be enough though... I went a year before not talking to her and that didnt 'help' at all... I dont mean to sound like a pussy but this is really scaring the shit out of me.
    :weedpoke:

  6.     
    #5
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kwali
    Love is more addictive then any drug
    Real love is not only more addictive it is so much more intense then not only any drug but anything period. If you lose it you are left with a void that just doesnt seem to be filled by anything else.
    :weedpoke:

  7.     
    #6
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Quote Originally Posted by someuser
    Man, that touches way to close to home... I honestly didnt think anyone else knew what it feels like... I mean people tell one another they 'love' each other all the time but most of the time it is 99% bullshit... Real love... It is something so much more then what the average couple tries to pass off as love.

    But when you do find real love the only emotion more intense then being with that person is being without that person. Back in the day if we went more then 3 days without each other it was enough to drive us to do anything it took to see one another... Multiply that by 6 yrs and it feels so unbearable at times... I dont like the idea of this 'never going away'.
    That's love for you. When you experience it, something that makes you feel so complete, yet so painfully incomplete when you lose the source. You have to love and respect yourself to find peace. If you love her, you have to respect her path to happiness, no matter how it may result. You have to wish for her happiness, because she wishes for yours. I can't say what can make you happy, because we all are unique, each one of us is on our own path and only within do you know what you desire. However you gotta fight the yearns for her presence, because it'll only hold you back from acheiving happiness. Within you, you can create your own destiny, fighting back from the grasps this powerful addictive emotion that binds to your soul.

    Quote Originally Posted by someuser
    I hear what you're saying, I just dont know how to make those steps to living the way I wish to live... All I wish is to live life with her. Without her, everything seems hollow... Girls, sex, money, my job... Everything means nothing to me.
    Create a sense of purpose. What that may be, you have to find yourself. Ask yourself why you are doing the things you are doing. Do you truly enjoy the path you are on? What do you want to truly achieve in the greater outcome? When you find it is when everything else falls into place. Only experiencing something so powerful, can you exhibit a power to change your path. Life works in strange ways, perhaps you may eventually be together again, perhaps never again, but one thing is certain. If you don't achieve happiness on your own, you can never experience that same love again. With love so great, it never goes away.

    Quote Originally Posted by someuser
    Well, to my credit, I did tell her she would never be hearing from me again. She replied she promised never to email me again. I dont know if that will be enough though... I went a year before not talking to her and that didnt 'help' at all... I dont mean to sound like a pussy but this is really scaring the shit out of me.
    The one thing is you shouldn't close the door. With that comes acceptance of a life apart and pain from being apart. It does not mean you two can't be completely out of each others lives. You love each other after all, you wish each other the best. You have to struggle to accept the cards that have been dealt. You have to draw strength and fight man! You aren't a pussy to fear this. You gotta fight, you can't wallow and let it consume you, because what would you become? It ain't easy.
    Happiness only real when shared

  8.     
    #7
    Member

    Getting over past loves...

    keep your chin up hun, this is probably the worst your gonna feel so things can only get better from here x

  9.     
    #8
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    thcbongman, you have some pretty good insight for a guy 5yrs my junior I'm impressed.


    Sadly, I cannot think of any 'purpose' to interject in my life that would be so significant as to create enough 'energy' to change my path to one that would lead back to happiness. My only regret in life, besides losing her, is that I dropped out of college afterward... I have been toying with the idea of going back and finishing my degree but I cant think of anything I really want to do... I've been depressed for so long I just feel numb. Trying to think of long-term goals w/o her is like trying to do math while high... I just go blank :stoned:

    I dunno man, you had a lot of good points and this subject is so... Challenging to think clearly on. I think I'm going to just stop here and reflect on it more.
    :weedpoke:

  10.     
    #9
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Quote Originally Posted by rachel25
    keep your chin up hun, this is probably the worst your gonna feel so things can only get better from here x
    You're right, I dont think one could feel worse... Problem is, I've been feeling this bad for 6yrs now... It is taking a serious toll on both my mental and physical health. Believe it or not, I am a tough cookie and I dealt with all this 'emotion' and 'anguish' for 6yrs without using drugs or alcohol until the last 3 months... Now I'm just losing it. Everything is falling apart as one can only 'stand still' in life so long before the walls start to close in.
    :weedpoke:

  11.     
    #10
    Senior Member

    Getting over past loves...

    Hey, Someuser. Sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I think it might be time to go talk to someone or seek some help, especially if the anguish over this young lady is affecting your ability to function and to move on with your life. Sounds to me like the drugs and alcohol you've said you've resorted to in recent months are just making the problem worse, and it's not likely to get better on its own. A few sessions with a good counselor or even possibly a hypnotherapist can't hurt.

    The thing you've got to break is the pattern of obsessing about this young lady. She's made a choice in another direction that she's going to have to stick with. And you have to work hard at not reinforcing the obsessive thoughts about her by continuing to think them. Everytime you go through the process of thinking about her and tormenting yourself about her, you help reinforce and strengthen that pattern in your mind. So to break that cycle and feel better, you've got to consciously start thinking other thoughts. That's not always easy, but I guarantee that when you do you'll begin to feel better.

    Take a class. Get some exercise. Volunteer to help people who are less fortunate. Get out and cultivate new friendships and relationships, whether they interest you or not. The distractions and new stimulation will be good for you. That's why some counseling will help, too, to help you see what you're doing and how you're reinforcing your own sadness. Do everything you can to make a conscious effort not to keep brooding and obsessing about her.
    [SIZE=\"4\"]\"That best portion of a good man\'s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.\"[/SIZE]
    [align=center]William Wordsworth, English poet (1770 - 1850)[/align]

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