try smoking less, or if you can none for a while. it sounds really hard because thats the highlight of your day right now but you need to take a break. not forever, just until you get your shit together. do you work out and eat right? feeling good about your body and health has a big impact on the rest of your life. try and keep asking to see a doctor though. even if you dont want meds, therapy really helps. i'm talking from expirence and as a psych major