I used to twist up tobacco in joint form (or just tear off a filter), to waste cop time hassling me. I don't do it anymore, as I don't want to draw any attention to myself, but it was fun when I used to do it!

When I was in the Army, I used to greet my officers with, "I'm high, how are you sir?" But I'd say the "I'm" in a more subdued voice, so they'd mostly hear "Hi, how are you sir". But I said the "I'm" loud enough that they always heard it and occasionally they'd ask, what did you say? At which point I'd just say "Hi, how are you sir" and give them an odd look, like they were the crazy one.

One day in Grenada, I had a couple of hits of Orange Sunshine (LSD), and I was going to the beach to trip my ass off, and a major asked me where I was heading off to, so I just told the truth: "I'm going on a nature trip!" Why lie when you can use the truth? (That was a hell of a trip too, spent like 3 hours watching a colony of crabs on the beach, then went wandering in the jungle and got attacked by a herd of cows led by one big-ass mean bull. Fun shit!)