Quote Originally Posted by Jake Martinez
All you conservative folk still believe Liberalism is a mental disorder?
Well, I didn't write this either, but here's a humorous take on it from the other side. :thumbsup:

A Day in the Life of Joe Liberal

Joe has to get up every day at 6 a.m. to pay "his share" of taxes to support deadbeats and illegal immigrants who take from the system without ever contributing. Such is Marx's maxim: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need."

Joe is a rotten American because he fills his coffeepot with American capitalist corporation name brand coffee rather than going to weekly co-op meeting to buy fair trade coffee from socialist nations.

Joe rinses the pot with tap water and then twists off the top of a plastic bottle of water to rinse the taste of oppression from his mouth.

Joe takes his meds. He's gotta. He is overwrought with guilt over living in the nation's chief consumer of EVERYTHING in the world. Joe's has so much while everyone else has nothing. This is Joe's fault. Don't blame the dictators in those other countries who have their populace under their thumbs.

Joe's medications are available over the counter and as such can be deducted from his taxes but he would have to do a lot of paperwork so he bears the extra cost; besides the gub'ment needs that money more than Joe does. If Ted Kennedy wouldn't keep blocking personal medical savings accounts, Joe could bank up pre-tax dollars for his own medical care. But Teddy is wiser than Joe and knows that Joe would just be doing this as a way of exploiting the tax codes to avoid paying his "fair share".

Joe fondly remembers the breakfasts of his youth; bacon and eggs made fresh by his mother and grandmother. But Joe knows that he cannot have cholesterol today. He's been branded as OBSESE because his Body Mass Index is not as low as his wife's, who has the same height as Joe. The BMI does not tolerate sexism and makes no distinction between fat and muscle. So Joe has an eggbeaters and tofu omelet.


In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His shampoo does not harm his eyes because it has been lab tested on live animals. As Joe steps out of the shower, he notices a floater still circling in his toilet; damn low flow toilets. Gotta flush them twice to do half the job of an old throne.

Joe dresses is a pretty pink spring dress; Joe is a transvestite and he likes to share his fetish with his co-workers. It's who Joe is. A confused man who wished he'd been born into a world that did not designate one garment for men, and another for women.

Joe takes a good look at his SUV and notices that some eco-terrorist has set it aflame overnight. "But that's free speech...", chuckles Joe and silently thanks the ACLU for preserving the 1st Amendment.

Joe walks two miles to the nearest bus stop and breaks a sweat. "Whew!" He notices there is no bench for passengers to wait on. Some homeless person might sleep there so the city did away with them. He tried reading some of the graffiti to pass the time but cannot make out any of the urban runes. 30 minutes have now passed and he hopes that his boss will understand that he is late because someone "freely expressed" herself in his driveway last night. Joe would call his boss but he cannot because there are no payphones around anymore. And why would there be? "Everyone" has a cellphone now, especially children. Joe waits another 30 lonely minutes and pulls out a cigarette. Joe doesn't normally smoke but felt it was his civic duty to buy them as a way to subsidize farmers, and pay more taxes. Joe's ruse works. A bus pulls up and Joe gets on it. He waves to the other two passenger, neither of whom look up.

Joe arrives at work 2 hours late but still eager to do a good job. Joe works in public service so he knows that his job is safe and that he won't be fired for poor work ethic.

It's noontime and Joe runs out to buy some lottery tickets. He's never won in the past but "this time" he feels lucky and could really use the money. And he knows that it promises to one day give him something in return for paying a voluntary tax.

Joe gives the clerk a hundred dollar bill. The clerk eyes Joe suspiciously and asks him to present photo ID, "What do you think this is? Some election poll where you can just show up, tell us who you are, and get what you came for???"

It's a good thing that clerk asked Joe for some ID too. Turns out that hundred dollar bill was a forgery. "But I got it from a Hezbollah charity when I was visiting some pen pals in Lebanon...", exclaimed Joe.

Joe is hauled away by the police. The next morning he makes bail and is released...