It's the fall of 1993, I am an 18 year old girl from a farming town who's never really been anywhere or seen anything yet. Six months before I had shattered my parents by telling them that I wasn't going to college and was going to beauty school instead. The school was in the nearest city, I had never been in a place like this in my life. The girlfriends I'd met in school were absolutely CRAZY compared to my friends back home, and had all been smoking weed for years. I'd dated boys that smoked but I'd never done it myself. All of Mary's good small town ways were about to fly out the window starting on this night.

Karen, Jill, and I had all gotten out first tattoos together 2 nights before and now Jill, Heather, and I (Karen was busy) were all out together for the first time. It's embarressing to say, but the whole evening had started with Heather trying to track down an old boyfriend who was now one of the sound guys for a successful band. I won't say what one because "name dropping" is lame.

The band was playing at an area club, not bars like I was used to, the kind with 60 year old men sitting on bar stools with the cracks of their asses sticking out and Garth Brooks playing, but a real club. "J" the sound guy had invited us to hang out while he and the other roadies set up for the band. Us(under age) girls were there watching scruffy guys unload a huge truck and thinking we were the shit because we were all about to get into a bar that would never had let us in without ID under normal circumstances. Little did we know that we would actually meet the band.

So, here's me thinking I was so cool drinking my beer with the freaking roadies when all of a sudden appears the lead singer, then the drummer, then the bass player, then the lead guitar player...here's where I almost pee my pants. Lead singer "G" turns out to be the sound guys FATHER (who knew?)!!!

"G" asks us to stay with the rest of the band while the low life roadies continue their set up (who suddenly didn't seem as cool now that wewere chilling with the actual band). Heather and Jill seemed completely at ease, I was nervous and quaking inside. But I can't help but notice how unbelievably cute "F"is (guitar player) even though he is twice my age.

My heart was beating, I could barely breathe, small town Mary had met many a cow but never anyone famous, not to mention famous male musicians. If I was a little older and more experienced I would've realized that getting young chicks/fans was old hat to the well seasoned pros, but I felt so important and special when "F" asked my name.

On to my first smoke, I was content with my beer and company but then "G" pulls out 3 joints and suddenly I realize I have to "fake" knowing how to smoke weed. My friends knew what they were doing, the guys in the band had been smoking since well before I was even born. Hicksville Mary suddenly had to act as cool as she'd been presenting herself to be.

I look to Heather, who was now sitting on "J"'s lap, she'd be of no help to me. Jill was all wrapped up in the drummer, who by now had an arm slung around her shoulder. I was on my own. And, to add to all of my Farm girl apprehension "F" has given me his jacket to wear because he thought I was shivering (yeah, really I was trying not to reveal my inexperience). And he's slowly moving closer to me, edging nearer and nearer. "G" lights the jays, one after the other and passes them to "J', on to Jill and "D", next it's my turn...OH MY GOD, HOW DO I TOKE? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? IS THAT "F'"s HAND ON MY ASS?!!!

Slowly I take the joint from "D", praying I don't drop it and look like a complete idiot. I take a last glance around, everyone seems to be smiling and having a great time. I sigh knowing no one is really paying attention to me and they are passing the last 2 joints already. No one has any idea this is my first time smoking. I've been watching closely enough to have a slight idea...I raise the joint to my lips, I can feel the heat from the smoke of the lit cherry tip on my hand. The paper sort of sticks to my lower lip as I inhale. I can feel the smoke fill my lungers, through obeservation, I know I am supposed to hold it in for a few seconds. My virgin lungs swell, all I can think is , "Mary, do not cough! Mary do not cough!" What feels like ages is only seconds and I exhale and hand off the joint to "F" who is now beaming with a smile and sitting right next to me. And, yes, that is his hand on my ass!

I did it! No one suspected a thing! I'd go on to take 5 more hits and mange not to make a complete fool of myself. I felt like the world was spinning, my hearing seemed to go in and out, like the voices of the ppl around me were muffled. We went into the bar about a half hour later, watched and listened to this great long haired hippie band of misfits. I danced and twirled and felt Mary from the tiny town slipping away and a new more alive Mary creeping into my body.

Later on, in "F" and "J"'s hotel room, we'd smoke more and hear tales of the Grammy's and the time "F" dated Chrissy Hinde when he lived in London, and oh, that Sting, what a self absorbed ass he can be at times! Within monthes I'd be living in an apartment in the city with "F". And the tales I could tell from that year could fill a novel and spin you're head. Within monthes my life long love affair with weed would begin, and my dissillusionment with fame would also start as I would begin to realize the torture and wonder of life on the road. I would also learn the truth of this successful older man and his darkness and, also, the wonderful lessons he would teach me.

Years later, after I was back in my bovine filled home town (which I grew to love and never want to leave), "F" found me and asked me to marry him...in his usual consuming, energetic way. I would decline and eventually build my own life. Now as I near 30, I realize that "F" is in his 50's and wonder if with everything he's achieved if he's ever really found happiness in his nomatic worldwin lifestyle. I am now at a point in my life where I can be content in my decision not to marry him and live a rock star wife life. But thanks to him and that night, I will always have maryjane in my life...