Some blame terrorists, some blame the government, some blame reptilian aliens. Me, I'm blaming gravity. I think an intelligent yet amorphous gravity being is conspiring against the United States, and using its gravitic powers to help bring down buildings.

It's been a thorn in our side for thousands of years, ever since the first caveman went to pick up a rock to throw at an animal and said, "Oh shit, this fucker is heavy!" Hopefully soon you'll read all about the evil gravity being on infowars. Oh, I need a prediction too, that's right: gravity will make SOMETHING ELSE fall down. THIS WEEK!