I'm sorry for your loss Creeper.
Back when I was in hs/college there was a rash of suicides and deaths. It hurt so much back then and now again when I see another generation go thru it.
I know nothing I say will make you feel better but I can leave you with this. A quote from the older brother of a suicide victim.
"Can you even imagine the strength it takes to kill yourself like that"
(it was a hanging)
It's hard Creeper. Real hard but you gotta stay strong. If you feel you need professional help to cope do it and do it for yourself and your well being.

>>>hugs to you Plant>>>