Eating Disorder?

[RESiNATE]

Thanks for the feedback, guys.
I'm not bullshitting, Bro (and no offense has been taken ), I am quite worried now.

I do drink copious amounts of tea - I am a tea monster!, and I rarely can eat anything first thing in the morning. I don't eat enough fresh produce, mainly because I am lazy, and can't be bothered to eat.
When my children visit me at the weekends, I tend to eat fairly well - as I HAVE to cook for them...but even then, I don't get enthusiastic about food - and never really have.

I work nights, which doesn't help the natural rythmn of things - so maybe that has something to do with it.
I'll admit thatI am very depressed at the moment. My life is on the downturn, have a few money probs, and the whole 'missing my children' thing gets me so down, that I am close to tears whenever I see 'happy families' around me. I am fucked of with life in general, and those people around me that can't seem to see anything beyond that which directly affects them. My ex-wife is continually blaming me for walking out on the family (but she was the one who shagged my 'best' mate) - I left because I didn;'t want to subject my kids to an atmosphere of hatred between me and tyheir mother - it wouldn't be fair on them... but I'm always to blame!
I am a very introspective person, and often take the worries of the world upon my shoulders, when they have nothing to do with me - but I have a strong sense of caring.
I wish I didn't.
I wish I could just say "fuck you, world!" - but I can't...and believe me I have tried.
My compassion has cost me dearly, not only in the direction of my life, but also those lives of which I have affected in the past.
There is a constant battle that rages within me: I wanna be good, but am afraid that my 'goodness' will be thrown back in my face (as it usually does) - so, I try to divorce myself from society. Then I feel guilty that I don't care...the cycle is endless.
I suffer from guilt.
Guilt that I have let my children down, guilt that I have interfered when I should have left well alone.
I feel angry that those that I thought were my friends, have turned around and stabbed me in the back.

I feel blissfully happy, one minute, then for no reason at all, I suddenly plunge into a deep state of depression that borders on suicide...I don't understand why this happens.
Those around me don't know of this, because I can act very well, and hide those dark thoughts that I have...but as soon as they are gone, those thoughts come flooding back like a tidal wave.

Sometimes, I feel like I am an alien in this world, and find myself aghast at peoples lack of foresight and vision.
Then, I come to a place like this, and see that I'm not alone...so, what am I feeling?
Why can't I just live my life to the full and fuck everything else?

I like making people laugh - Ilike helping others to overcome their issues, and yet cannot seem to address my own - lol, the world's greates advisor can't even sort his own shit out!

The last four years of mylife, has been spent 'getting along' -I have no ambition anymore, because everything that I thought was true, has turned out to be a lie.
I used to think that there was a special person that was made for me - and I have met her (not my wife, though)...and yet I was denied her....and in the process of denial, I have lost a great deal of people that I loved.

Anyways, I'm prolly boring the pants off you all, so I'm gonna try andf eat summat lol
Thanks for the feedback (ironic choice of words lmao), I'll try all of your suggestions...

Res...

[Lulu]

Eating first thing in the morning is a good habit to have and after a few days you'll find you're waking hungry. Tea and coffee are appetite supressants so try cutting back or switch (at least a couple of cups) to a more natural, lower caffeine tea like Jasmine.
Guilt after a marriage breakup is sooo normal (even if you are the injured party) your children will be happy if you're happy. Remember you did the right thing, a hostile, turbulent atmosphere would have been damaging for your kids and soul destroying for yourself. Try to move on, try counselling if you think it'll help and stay away from anti depressants. You will get over this and find happiness again but happiness doesn't lie with someone else - only you can make you happy, no one else.
Stop worrying about stuff you have no control over. It's wasted energy. Concentrate on stuff you can do and stop beating yourself up. You sound like a nice man and someone who genuinely cares. Clap yourself on the back and count your blessings, I'm sure you have loads when you sit back and think about it. Take care xx

[RESiNATE]

Thanks Lulu
I'll deffo try the Jasmine tea - I can't do without my cuppa lol..but I know I drink far too much (usually 10or so cups a day!).
Res...

[IntrepidS]

Her Resinate, does the problem occur also when you eat at resturants and when you order food?

[RESiNATE]

I think that is a general disinterest in food...
I don't eat out very often at all.
I don't go out very much at all, either.

It's like, I can go into a supermarket and see nothing to eat, whereas most people can see loads of food.
I get jealous of people who get very excited about food - I can't.
I used to have a friend who would describe a meal with such enthusiasm as to be almost inspiring - I wish I had that. To me, I can't wait til they invent a pill that would constitute a meal....put a pill on a plate, drop some water on it, and 'hey presto!', roast beef dinner....

Oooh..I got major de ja vu then!

[maryjanemama]

Resinate, I'm so glad that I've found someone who shares my same misery. Does it feel like your throat is constricting when you try to eat? Like someone has their hands around your throat? Believe me, meds won't work, they'll only make you feel shittier.

I agree with Lulu and everyone else who suggested milk shakes, smoothies, and juice. That's the path I follow. I've gone days without eating or just drinking juice or smoothies and I'm just fine.


Really...I'm just fine.

































Pay no attention to the man behind me in the white coat.

[GHoSToKeR]

Res, I know how you feel.. As i've been getting older, I've found myself feeling guilty for thing's that have nothing do with me, or things I have no control over. I feel guilty because my dad's an alcoholic, even though he's been an alcoholic all his life. I feel guilty that my mom is stressed out with work and smokes 30 ciggies a day and may get cancer, and I feel I should be able to make her quit, but I cant. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I feel guilty that so many people devote their lives to things which are trivial and irrelevant, but I can't help it. It feels, to me, like I should be able to do something about it but I can't.

This guilt is swiftly turning into anxiety, and if I don't do something about it I assume it'll turn into depressions. The only thing I can think of to stop feeling like this is to ignore everything that makes me feel guilty. If I feel guilty about other people's problems, then I should ignore it and just say "shit, it's their problem, not mine". I know that sounds utterly selfish and self-centered, but if everyone else lives their life in perpetual blindness then why shouldn't I? Grrr, here I go again, rant rant rant lol

Anyway, like Lulu said, a feeling of guilt is common after a divorce or the ending of a relationship. It's the same feeling of guilt as when a loved one dies - you feel responsible, even though you know you're not. The only way that I can see to get out of this guilt cycle, is to tell yourself "You're being stupid". I know it may not always work, but no one else can do it for you. You have to physically make yourself snap out of these mood swings. If something is depressing you or making you feel guilty, then you need to either rectify that problem, or tell yourself it's not your problem. Otherwise, this downward spiral will never end, your guilt and depression will increase exponentially, and unfortunately, you may never get out of it. I may sound like I don't know what i'm talking about, but I think (I hope) I do.

Focus on the good things in your life, not on the bad things you see in the world around you. Sure, the world's is a depressing place, but neither you or me are gonna change a damn thing by getting worked up over it. Don't let it get you down, concentrate on the good things in your life - your health, your ability to make people laugh, and most importantly your children - and block everything else out until you're ready to face it again.

Anyway, that's just the advice of a teenager, so maybe you shouldn't take too much notice of it.. I dunno.. Peace

[RESiNATE]

lol@man in white coat...does he have a clip board too, and makes little notes, now and again...lol

I think its a combination of laziness (can't be bothered to cook), coupled with a load of dark shit...

Today, I thought - I know, I'll make some egg and bacon rolls, topped with cheese..cool...but after one (I made 3), I was really struggling to finish them off (I only managed 2 and a half) - I was almost forcing myself to eat it, cos I know that I should...

I've never been particularly big, but have always had a good appetite - even if most of what I ate was junk lol.
Yep, 'hands around the throat' is a good description.

I was just worried that I might be bulimic (sp) or summat, but I aint, because I don't purge...prolly just depression that will pass in time....

I reckon I'll buy a liquidiser, and do the smoothie thing...the kids will like it too lol

[GHoSToKeR]

Res, I know how you feel.. As i've been getting older, I've found myself feeling guilty for thing's that have nothing do with me, or things I have no control over. I feel guilty because my dad's an alcoholic, even though he's been an alcoholic all his life. I feel guilty that my mom is stressed out with work and smokes 30 ciggies a day and may get cancer, and I feel I should be able to make her quit, but I cant. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I feel guilty that so many people devote their lives to things which are trivial and irrelevant, but I can't help it. It feels, to me, like I should be able to do something about it but I can't.

This guilt is swiftly turning into anxiety, and if I don't do something about it I assume it'll turn into depressions. The only thing I can think of to stop feeling like this is to ignore everything that makes me feel guilty. If I feel guilty about other people's problems, then I should ignore it and just say "shit, it's their problem, not mine". I know that sounds utterly selfish and self-centered, but if everyone else lives their life in perpetual blindness then why shouldn't I? Grrr, here I go again, rant rant rant lol

Anyway, like Lulu said, a feeling of guilt is common after a divorce or the ending of a relationship. It's the same feeling of guilt as when a loved one dies - you feel responsible, even though you know you're not. The only way that I can see to get out of this guilt cycle, is to tell yourself "You're being stupid". I know it may not always work, but no one else can do it for you. You have to physically make yourself snap out of these mood swings. If something is depressing you or making you feel guilty, then you need to either rectify that problem, or tell yourself it's not your problem. Otherwise, this downward spiral will never end, your guilt and depression will increase exponentially, and unfortunately, you may never get out of it. I may sound like I don't know what i'm talking about, but I think (I hope) I do.

Focus on the good things in your life, not on the bad things you see in the world around you. Sure, the world's is a depressing place, but neither you or me are gonna change a damn thing by getting worked up over it. Don't let it get you down, concentrate on the good things in your life - your health, your ability to make people laugh, and most importantly your children - and block everything else out until you're ready to face it again.

Anyway, that's just the advice of a teenager, so maybe you shouldn't take too much notice of it.. I dunno.. Peace

oops lol you cant delete posts, but i hit the send button.. grrr

[Proof]

This is really fucking weird i no u guys wont believe me but the same thing has bein happen to me, its well strange, dont bother me to much though cause im jus the average weight 10 stoned. when im stoned and eat food its generaly shit food like chocy bars thatl fill u up quick and have a nice taste but i rarly eat now woo wee im stoned now lol. This is only a phase tho i go through different phases sometimes eat sometimes dont, bit strange but ah well.