Thanks for the feedback, guys.
I'm not bullshitting, Bro (and no offense has been taken ), I am quite worried now.

I do drink copious amounts of tea - I am a tea monster!, and I rarely can eat anything first thing in the morning. I don't eat enough fresh produce, mainly because I am lazy, and can't be bothered to eat.
When my children visit me at the weekends, I tend to eat fairly well - as I HAVE to cook for them...but even then, I don't get enthusiastic about food - and never really have.

I work nights, which doesn't help the natural rythmn of things - so maybe that has something to do with it.
I'll admit thatI am very depressed at the moment. My life is on the downturn, have a few money probs, and the whole 'missing my children' thing gets me so down, that I am close to tears whenever I see 'happy families' around me. I am fucked of with life in general, and those people around me that can't seem to see anything beyond that which directly affects them. My ex-wife is continually blaming me for walking out on the family (but she was the one who shagged my 'best' mate) - I left because I didn;'t want to subject my kids to an atmosphere of hatred between me and tyheir mother - it wouldn't be fair on them... but I'm always to blame!
I am a very introspective person, and often take the worries of the world upon my shoulders, when they have nothing to do with me - but I have a strong sense of caring.
I wish I didn't.
I wish I could just say "fuck you, world!" - but I can't...and believe me I have tried.
My compassion has cost me dearly, not only in the direction of my life, but also those lives of which I have affected in the past.
There is a constant battle that rages within me: I wanna be good, but am afraid that my 'goodness' will be thrown back in my face (as it usually does) - so, I try to divorce myself from society. Then I feel guilty that I don't care...the cycle is endless.
I suffer from guilt.
Guilt that I have let my children down, guilt that I have interfered when I should have left well alone.
I feel angry that those that I thought were my friends, have turned around and stabbed me in the back.

I feel blissfully happy, one minute, then for no reason at all, I suddenly plunge into a deep state of depression that borders on suicide...I don't understand why this happens.
Those around me don't know of this, because I can act very well, and hide those dark thoughts that I have...but as soon as they are gone, those thoughts come flooding back like a tidal wave.

Sometimes, I feel like I am an alien in this world, and find myself aghast at peoples lack of foresight and vision.
Then, I come to a place like this, and see that I'm not alone...so, what am I feeling?
Why can't I just live my life to the full and fuck everything else?

I like making people laugh - Ilike helping others to overcome their issues, and yet cannot seem to address my own - lol, the world's greates advisor can't even sort his own shit out!

The last four years of mylife, has been spent 'getting along' -I have no ambition anymore, because everything that I thought was true, has turned out to be a lie.
I used to think that there was a special person that was made for me - and I have met her (not my wife, though)...and yet I was denied her....and in the process of denial, I have lost a great deal of people that I loved.

Anyways, I'm prolly boring the pants off you all, so I'm gonna try andf eat summat lol
Thanks for the feedback (ironic choice of words lmao), I'll try all of your suggestions...

Res...