Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Weed
I've been smoking weed for about 2 years, and recently I have been smoking alone. I find it a lot easier to enjoy myself when I smoke alone. Well a couple of months back I had a very bad experience. It was a beautiful day and I happened to be on my roof of all places, I smoked a decent amount. I was really enjoying myself at first, then when I walked into my house, there was my brother. He was staring me down. He started to shout at me, his eyes pierced trough me,he hated me. It really effected me badly. I ran outside and hid on the side of my house. I started thinking about my past,my earliest memories. I had a memory of when I was about 6 or 7and my brother was 10,me and my brother were playing and my grandmother's husband came in and grabbed my brother by the shirt and said " Do you want me to punch you in the face"! *Was actually going to punch him* I felt as if I was 7 again and I was on my bed watching this. It hurt so bad. Like I was being punched in the stomach. I was overwhelmed with emotions. From that day on every time I smoke I realize Man I have had really bad. I realize all these things about myself. All these thoughts have really been eating at me. I've been really depressed lately. I don't know if it's the weed or me. I have never been able to look at my brother or anyone the same ever since. It's like everyone has done something to me. I can't trust anyone any more.
It sounds like you've really gotten in touch with yourself. Introspection.
This is a good thing. Hopefully, it means you are growing.
I would stop smoking weed if I were you. Take a month or so to really understand what you're going through. Don't just focus on the negative, instead, consciously admit to yourself these things. To deny these things is to give them power over you. To let them run your life. We're all human.
It might really help you to talk about these things with someone you do trust. Someone who won't judge you.
Be happy that you know yourself better. Be proud of who you are.
Everyone makes mistakes. Trust those whose actions are shown to be trustworthy. Forgive.