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08-26-2006, 04:56 PM #11
Senior Member
advice please. Can he quit?
I offer a combination of what I have learned in hindsight and what I observe and what flows through me when I read of someone asking for help.
Sometimes, like this, I imagine how different my life would be today if I had used the advice I offer now.
I could have done more and kept my heart open longer instead of closing it out of fear. Instead I closed it, acted and reacted in ways that closed hers. I distanced myself when I should have sat holding hands looking into her eyes and felt the love melting away all the bullshit and resentments I held for her and myself and life in general. I smoked too much, I ignored too much, I focussed on my love for the kids and neglected my love for her. I spent all my time and energy on them. They were my world.
I participated, along with her, in allowing it all to die. I lost the motivation to forgive because I feared that love was weaker than the pain we sometimes feel in life.
I gave up and now, today....*sigh* ...I struggle to overcome the feelings I am left with.
Mine is a path I cannot return to. My path leads away from those moments and into a new unknown place. I struggle sometimes to find the courage to take the next step.
My heart does not yearn for a return to the past but yearns for the peace that i once had to be here and now incorporated into my new life as it once was then.
Our relationship has died. I couldnt stand her anymore and I ended it.
Somewhere in my heart I still love her but I continue to bury that today, as does she. I love her soul but her actions attack this love constantly.
Our son is the rope that binds us but here and now it is a tug of war with no balance.
Each day I find a new piece of the puzzle that will one day reveal a wonderful new picture to me. I am human and somedays I pass these pieces by without noticing them. And those days are filled with sorrow and regrets, anger and frustration.
So when i read of someone struggling to find this balance in their love now...how can I not offer what I have learned in my own heart.
I share this all with you now to show what can become of a love that is expected to feed itself. It dies as a infant left to fend for itself will.
Feed it and nurture it daily . Or.....
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