Quote Originally Posted by FunkyMonkey
Graph has said a lot of intelligent insightful things here.
I want to add though that your bf is not a lost cause due to his outlook and attitude.
There are ways that both of you can work together to find the balance in your relationship if you both feel it is worthwhile to do so.
I would suggest that start by finding some activities that you both enjoy doing together. Sometimes when we get stuck in a rut a simple thing like trying some new recreation or entertainment will do wonders for giving us a mood pick up that will set us in a different mind set long enough to break out of negative and harmful thought patterns.
If you can enjoy life together , have some fun, some romance, some laughs and shed some stresses it has great potential to rebuild a bond that got neglected.
Relationships get stagnant and die if no effort is put into continuing to learn and enjoy time together.
This is the "spark" people speak of.
So, find a new way to spark it up rather than sparkin up a doobie.
Sit and look into each others eyes for a few minutes, holdding hands palm tp palm without saying a word.Look not "at" each other, but "into" each other. Feel the love welling up inside you. Then talk about things you used to enjoy doing. Talk about why you love each other. Motivation to get up and get out there living life can be found in this little excersize.
This is only the first step but it can do wonders.

peace.

Thank you thank you, this is exactly what I was looking for, some positiviety.
If he wanted to run away, I have given him lots of chances to do it. But he still says I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

We are getting together tonight. Hopefully he will be sober enough for us to try out the romance you said. That's our problem the past couple of weeks, he has been constantly stoned so it's hard to talk at all.

Please keep any wonderful advice coming.

And for those of you who tell me you smoke and are proud of it, that's great! You should only do things in life you are proud of and get something good out of. I am not judging anybody. But for my BF and me it's not a pleasure anymore. He wants his life back and he wants to quit.
Not all smokers want to quit..........that's great. It would be like me telling someone who has grey hair to get it dyed............if they don't mind being grey then why should they!!??