Thanks for all of the positivety I have had here. As you asked to let us know how things are going, I will send this post as the latest update.............

I am emailing my boyfriend the link to this thread and going to let him read and digest. This is at the risk of loosing him forever.....he may think that I shouldn't vent this in public. I think that I am trying to gain some knowledge on a subject I am very naive about. Trying to understand some of the difficulties he may be facing with trying to quit. Trying to understand why he puts this addiction before me time and time again.

We are right at the point of breaking. He broke my heart again tonight by going AWOL ...........not just my heart, but my children's too who miss him. They were looking forward to telling him about thier first day back at school.

I have to draw a line somewhere and decide that I will not allow myself to be treated as second best 90% of the time. How will I ever know if he really wants me when he puts his addiction before me so often? I deserve the man who I fell in love with.........so I will write this......

Babe, you came into my life which was already wonderful........you put the icing on top of the cake. My world was complete.......my soul mate, my lover, my best friend.
Then it almost came crashing down when you told me about the pot. But I knew there were worse things you could do and I decided to support you in the best way I could, by enhancing the life you wanted; with me and the pot.
But time and again you let me down.........I deserve more.

You say it's ruining your life, that you don't want to loose me, you don't want to be depressed anymore. Then TAKE control. Do something. I will support you 100% . I promise......

What about the plans we had??? Is it worth throwing it all away?

"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world"

I'm fed up of constantly watching for your car to pull up. If you want me, you will be with me. Full stop.

I love you more than I have loved anyone. But my feelings don't count,. I have to put the children first always......and I am turning into someone who's getting depressed and loosing a grip on life. My friends are fed up with me being miserable. Just a few short weeks ago you made me so happy. YOU did.

I have to get my life back. I have to get ME back. I wish I could make you come back babe but only you can do that. Only you can get your life back on track. Only you.

Pot doesn't ruin everyone's lives. Most of your friends are still decent and keep thier wives happy.

Always.......................xx





Again, thanks to everyone who has contributed in a positive way to this post. Even though some of you have said "dump him he's a loser" I still appreciate the time and effort you have taken.
I don't want to give up on this wonderful man as he does have so much to offer when he isn't stoned. Even if we do end up going our seperate ways, I will always treasure the wonderful time we have had together and hold it close to my heart as those good times could not be topped.

He really is an amazing guy and one who I really was hoping to spend the rest of my life with.......until my dying day