advice please. Can he quit?

[mrdevious]

Have you considered that your bf has been slipping into a depression and smoking more weed because he has more need for something to make him feel good? It's a classic case with most people who smoke weed, including myself.

But right now it may be good for him to quit for a while. Not because weed is making him depressed, but because he's using it as an emotional crutch with his depression, and when you constantly hide away in a bottle, a joint, a needle, junkfood, or even just hours of television, you're training your brain to just avoid what which makes you miserable instead of learning how to deal with it. I think the best thing is to find his solution for a better life through his own power.
How? nobody here can give a definitive answer but I could advise a few things. Learning meditation and getting more physically active would definately help, as he needs to learn how to push himself and still feel good about it.
He could also start taking large quantities of Omega 3, 6, and 9 fatty acids with sublingual vitamin-B12 tablets (this actually worked really well for me after taking them for a month).
Then, I'd advise helping him get a new perspective on life. Do something like go camping for a whole week, something that cuts him off from the basic comforts and indulgences of every day life, because these can be a real problem in numbing the mind into a comfortable yet miserable rut.
Then, and this is a real simple one, there's breathing. Believe it not, chaning the way a person breaths in every day life can significantly affect intelligence, mental clarity, quality of sleep, and depression. Quite simply, get him (heck, do this yourself) to mentally focus no breathing deeper and slower at all times. You'd be surprised what a difference it can make.

Best of luck to you.

mrdevious Reviewed by mrdevious on 08-25-2006. advice please. Can he quit? Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit. Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please Bubs xx Rating: 5

[FunkyMonkey]

Have you considered that your bf has been slipping into a depression and smoking more weed because he has more need for something to make him feel good? It's a classic case with most people who smoke weed, including myself.

But right now it may be good for him to quit for a while. Not because weed is making him depressed, but because he's using it as an emotional crutch with his depression, and when you constantly hide away in a bottle, a joint, a needle, junkfood, or even just hours of television, you're training your brain to just avoid what which makes you miserable instead of learning how to deal with it. I think the best thing is to find his solution for a better life through his own power.
How? nobody here can give a definitive answer but I could advise a few things. Learning meditation and getting more physically active would definately help, as he needs to learn how to push himself and still feel good about it.
He could also start taking large quantities of Omega 3, 6, and 9 fatty acids with sublingual vitamin-B12 tablets (this actually worked really well for me after taking them for a month).
Then, I'd advise helping him get a new perspective on life. Do something like go camping for a whole week, something that cuts him off from the basic comforts and indulgences of every day life, because these can be a real problem in numbing the mind into a comfortable yet miserable rut.
Then, and this is a real simple one, there's breathing. Believe it not, chaning the way a person breaths in every day life can significantly affect intelligence, mental clarity, quality of sleep, and depression. Quite simply, get him (heck, do this yourself) to mentally focus no breathing deeper and slower at all times. You'd be surprised what a difference it can make.

Best of luck to you.

Great advice oh wise one, great advice.
Respect.

[thcgirl]

i have been smoking weed now for 16 years and im very proud of it, it has only ever increased my libido and gave me a sense of general all round well being i smoke weed nearly every day except when i cant get it. i think u should get him 2 vary differant varieties if u think skunk is a problem but personally i have never experienced anything like his symptoms

[boogabubbalou]

Graph has said a lot of intelligent insightful things here.
I want to add though that your bf is not a lost cause due to his outlook and attitude.
There are ways that both of you can work together to find the balance in your relationship if you both feel it is worthwhile to do so.
I would suggest that start by finding some activities that you both enjoy doing together. Sometimes when we get stuck in a rut a simple thing like trying some new recreation or entertainment will do wonders for giving us a mood pick up that will set us in a different mind set long enough to break out of negative and harmful thought patterns.
If you can enjoy life together , have some fun, some romance, some laughs and shed some stresses it has great potential to rebuild a bond that got neglected.
Relationships get stagnant and die if no effort is put into continuing to learn and enjoy time together.
This is the "spark" people speak of.
So, find a new way to spark it up rather than sparkin up a doobie.
Sit and look into each others eyes for a few minutes, holdding hands palm tp palm without saying a word.Look not "at" each other, but "into" each other. Feel the love welling up inside you. Then talk about things you used to enjoy doing. Talk about why you love each other. Motivation to get up and get out there living life can be found in this little excersize.
This is only the first step but it can do wonders.

peace.

Thank you thank you, this is exactly what I was looking for, some positiviety.
If he wanted to run away, I have given him lots of chances to do it. But he still says I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

We are getting together tonight. Hopefully he will be sober enough for us to try out the romance you said. That's our problem the past couple of weeks, he has been constantly stoned so it's hard to talk at all.

Please keep any wonderful advice coming.

And for those of you who tell me you smoke and are proud of it, that's great! You should only do things in life you are proud of and get something good out of. I am not judging anybody. But for my BF and me it's not a pleasure anymore. He wants his life back and he wants to quit.
Not all smokers want to quit..........that's great. It would be like me telling someone who has grey hair to get it dyed............if they don't mind being grey then why should they!!??

[Wesley Pipes]

Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.

Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please

Bubs xx

yeah its not that hard to stop smokin weed, i smoked everyday for 6 years (and i mean EVERYday lol), i've been stopped for just over 3 weeks now, just try to keep busy and not think about smokin it... oh, and just dont buy any, thats all been workin for me so far :thumbsup:

Peace and Good Luck

[CYRAX]

I hate people that act like marijuana is so horrible, those are the ones that need to smoke the most, hahahah.

[paperlunatic]

No. He's hoplessley addicted. The only way he can quit is if you wean him off it with heroin.

lol, i just had a ten minnute laughing fit cuz of that:stoned:

my advice is start smoking with him, cuz he probly doesnt care about your feelings, lol jk


What if there were message boards like this, but with people who do heroine, and like someone went in there and was like "hey my bf is addicted to heroine what do i do?" and all she got was shit like "heroines not addictive fool!!!" lol

[dryst]

5 months?...u guys act if uv been married for 15 years...he sounds like a loser to me...drop his ass...and come live with me oh and by the way i have plenty libado to go around

[D1me]

wow i expected a flood of reply saying "weed's not the problem" but you guys all offer very valid points

[FunkyMonkey]

I offer a combination of what I have learned in hindsight and what I observe and what flows through me when I read of someone asking for help.

Sometimes, like this, I imagine how different my life would be today if I had used the advice I offer now.
I could have done more and kept my heart open longer instead of closing it out of fear. Instead I closed it, acted and reacted in ways that closed hers. I distanced myself when I should have sat holding hands looking into her eyes and felt the love melting away all the bullshit and resentments I held for her and myself and life in general. I smoked too much, I ignored too much, I focussed on my love for the kids and neglected my love for her. I spent all my time and energy on them. They were my world.
I participated, along with her, in allowing it all to die. I lost the motivation to forgive because I feared that love was weaker than the pain we sometimes feel in life.
I gave up and now, today....*sigh* ...I struggle to overcome the feelings I am left with.
Mine is a path I cannot return to. My path leads away from those moments and into a new unknown place. I struggle sometimes to find the courage to take the next step.
My heart does not yearn for a return to the past but yearns for the peace that i once had to be here and now incorporated into my new life as it once was then.
Our relationship has died. I couldnt stand her anymore and I ended it.
Somewhere in my heart I still love her but I continue to bury that today, as does she. I love her soul but her actions attack this love constantly.
Our son is the rope that binds us but here and now it is a tug of war with no balance.
Each day I find a new piece of the puzzle that will one day reveal a wonderful new picture to me. I am human and somedays I pass these pieces by without noticing them. And those days are filled with sorrow and regrets, anger and frustration.
So when i read of someone struggling to find this balance in their love now...how can I not offer what I have learned in my own heart.

I share this all with you now to show what can become of a love that is expected to feed itself. It dies as a infant left to fend for itself will.
Feed it and nurture it daily . Or.....