Advice Please....

[WhiskeyGirl]

... a little ass-whuppin' now and then may keep his smartass out of prison some day ... if he disrespects the parents putting a roof over his head, either clamp down, or throw his ass out ... :smokin:

So true are you image ---
I also have a 23 yr old , who lived with me his stepfather , my X and my other son was little yet any way, we lived real close to my mom and when my son needed discipline and my husband tried to step in , she would get all pissed off at us, eventually he was in a detention ctr at 14 got out , after going a couple other places for dilinquent kids , then lived with my mother. I loved my mom to death, but she thought she was helping him by buying him what ever he wanted , but instead she was his enabler, buying him a car and he didnt even have a permit!! and he treated her like crap BIG tIME!! SHE bailed him outta jail numerous times, whould have sold her house for him, he has adhd , by the way. after she died , he was shit outta luck , he was into drugs , and just recently he told me ,Herion!! Before I knew this me and my husband helped him out , but he didnt wanna get a job, and when he did have 1 he fell asleep because he was so out of it! Thats why my 17 yr old was told he has to get a job, pay for his car which he did and he is still working. my 23 yr old? well he will probably be on probabation until for ever cause he dosent wanna work, he'd rather steal. so he cant live here. But he is my son and I do keep in contact with him, the only time he straightened out a bit is when he and this girl had a relationship for about 2 yrs, he was off the drugs working the most he ever did, then I guess he got back into the drugs, went to jail and now she wants nothing to do with him. Go Figure?
Just wanted to tell yas alil about my oldest son.

[latewood]

I get a kick out of everyone assuming WG brought this step father into her house...I didn't see that. Sounds to me like the man works his Ass off and a 17 year old is a young man, not a child...If he wants to act like a punk...then treat him like a punk. One final word of advice...don't assume that just because a Man is older...that he can't wipe the street with your ASS.

He breaks the law when he is out past curfew...but, that doesn't matter to all you other punks, huh...Just let the punk Kids run rampant over their parents with no guidelines of appropriateness...

I feel for You WG...But you guys let him smoke pot while he is still a minor...you are going to continue to have problems, unless you draw the line.

goodluck, peace

[latewood]

Yo fuck you invision. You have no idea how much physical abuse from a step father fucks your head up. I beat my stepfather within an inch of his life when i got bigger than him cuz he hit me when i was 9 years old. Abuse never solves anything it just makes the problem worse (ie: need for revenge)

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. We do not tolerate personal attacks here. since you are new, I will warn you this time, but if I see you verbally assault another member like you did here; You will be gone!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion...period!
Peace Damnit!!!

[FeastonThisSHITT]

I agree. Kids need a male figure to discipline them. Especialy male kids. Also, I agree that the kid is acting like a punk and meeds male discipline. I also agree that the man sounds like he works hard and deserves a level of respect for all he does.

So don't get me wrong I am not "against you" at all. I feel for your situation and your husband sounds like a good man.

What you need to understand is that you can not force a male figure onto a son as a father discipline figure if the kid doesn't accept him as a father figure. It simply will not work, he isn NOT his father and any discipline he does will just make the situation worse.


Latewood.... ok maybe they moved in with him? Either way, she brought HIM into the KIDS life. The kids didn't make this choice. You can't choose a child's father for him just because the biological father is not sufficient.

This man can work his ass off, and do everything he can for the kids. He can love them, buy shit for em, help em, do anything and everything in his power to assist the kids. Yes, this does entitle him to respect. he did NOT deserve to have the door shut in his face, that was disrespectful. Despite all of this.... if the kid doesn't accept his mom's husband as a father figure it just is NOT going to work out. In the kid's mind a man who is not his father is trying to act like his father and is invading in territory where he doesn't belong.


You can disagree with me all you want, but that is like disagreeing that 1+1 =2. If he is not his father in the kids mind, than attempts to act like a father WILL fail. That is just how it is. It feels unatural to have a man who is not your father try to discipline you as though he was.

[latewood]

but, WG actuallt said the Son does accept the stepdad...He let himn handle his money...he let him advise hom on financial decsion's...sounds like a DAD to me.

On the other hand if son want s to get computer, then he better forego the luxuries and chip in.

all I have to say. not comfortable with draggin WG's business any furhter...peace

[Yikers]

smoke weed...it will all be better

[WhiskeyGirl]

but, WG actuallt said the Son does accept the stepdad...He let himn handle his money...he let him advise hom on financial decsion's...sounds like a DAD to me.

On the other hand if son want s to get computer, then he better forego the luxuries and chip in.

all I have to say. not comfortable with draggin WG's business any furhter...peace

Very much so accepts him, he remembers his biological dad and what he was like and he was 9!!!! his real dad would do donuts with my kids in the car when he had them on weekends, not give them baths and sulk cause we werent together , very unstable man, like i said before he is illerate was on ssi and still is and y? because he was in special classes in HS, but he is fully able to work!!! so there ya have it yes, he ( my hubby ) has been saving money for my son for the 4 yrs my son had been working , in that time my son has saved alot of $$$$$$$$$ and has bought what he wanted also, he wants to get a newer computer , so we will probably talk to him and maybe say we will purchase the computer , with a credit card and he will pay us back , my son is a good worker been working at the same place since he was 14, he will be 18 next month, not the greatest money,, but its close to home and he does not pay rent at this time , i buy his groceries and clothes, but if there is clothing that he wants that is expensive , he buys it!! LOL
He even asked his step father if he could camp out back , we have alot of land and a make shift fire place, so him and a couple kids from the neighbor hood pitched a tent no harm, but me , being the worrier that i am said , i dunno, i thought they would be up all night and i wouldnt sleep- but they werent.my hubby is on third shift, i am on workman's comp right now. And as far as who is living with who, when i met him 8 yrs ago , we had both left our spouses, met on here after 5 months of talking , which was cool when we finally met cause i felt like i knew him, in the mean time we lived with our mom's. then we got an apt together. then about 4 yrs ago we built a house. four car garage with 2 acres. and we work together money wise, it works out great. its funny cause when we first moved in together yrs ago , my son was like i wanna move back in with my dad ,the next day he changed his mind--- realizing his dad has NOTHING, dosent work and is probably in a 2 room section 8 house , i dunno ,he was told to have no contact with the kids, because of his prior actions. But if he really wanted to see them , he has my address, he could have contacted his "FREE" LAWYER and demanded to see them, cause this took place right after we split up. must be nice to just forget you have kids. and here my husband, who never had kids of his own , is raising them with me and loves it!! I feel like he is a big kid too, he is the best thing that ever happened to me n my kids.
sorry so long guys
peace
WG:thumbsup:

[graph]

I'd just like to ass that in my first comment, I wasn't really aware of how much your husband really is a father to your kids. I figured you had gotten remarried maybe when your kid was 14 or so (again, stupid assumption). So, keep that in mind I guess.

[WhiskeyGirl]

thanks for the comment graph

[graph]

Oh, and I meant add instead of ass. I'm sure you know that, but it was a big enough typo that I should make a post about it.

I hope you and your family's doing alright now. If your kid steps outta line again, give him a big smack across the face and say it was from graph.