Quote Originally Posted by shoi
warning: thoughts/ideas/oppinions are not well thought out. do not actually follow some advice given in this.... i am bored

Hello and welcome. Tonight I will be talking about a sensitive subject: Masturbation. First will start with a simple Q and A

Q: What is masturbation?
A: Masturbation is the act of stimulating your sexual organ for your own pleaser.

Q: That sounds fun! Can I do it?
A: Yes! Anybody can do it!

Q: Neat-o. What do I need?
A: Well it depends on what exactly it is your trying to achieve. Read on to find out!

Q: Is this a slight against God?
A: That depends on who you talk to. I say no however.

Q: Is it true that exessive masturbation can cause you penis to rot?
A: While theres no case of this happening, exessive masturbation is discouraged (ie 10-35 times per day).

Well now that I've answered some of your basic questions, lets get down to business.
TYPES OF MASTURBATION

Anger Bash: Sometimes your just so angery or sad that the only way to let it out is through a good whack. This can be done after braking up, getting a bad grade, or even being mad at your parents. Often times the porn you look at or what you think about has to do with rough, unprotected anal sex. If your in a really bad mood, a chain mail glove can help you to release your anger. Just wear it on the hand that you use to wank with. An anger bash can be good every once in a while, it can lead to complications and maybe even serious problems.


Bordem Bang: This is what you do in cases of extreme bordem. This one is often done on lazy quite days, or maybe on long sleepless nights. It can be preformed two maybe even three times in a row before you're done. This is a really good one if your: at school, in church, on a plane, in a long bus ride, even in the family car on a long trip (if your good enough). Your thoughts are usally not very exciting and it never feels as good, your just doing it to pass the time. Generally there is no porn to be had in church or on an airplane. So you must BE CREATIVE!!!


Ritual Rub: This is a very interesting one. It delves deep into the human psyche. Habits form with many things, like picking your nose, or even stalking a girlfriend. Masturbation can also become a habit. The ritual maybe somthing as simple as everynight before bed. Sometimes they are elaborated cerimonies involving lights, music, incense, and in extreme cases; small animals. Theres nothing wrong with doing a quikie everytime you watch family guy, but it can become a problem if it starts to have to do with satan stuffing chipmonks in your ass every sunday. You may be what some people call; a pervert.

Love Letting: This is where you have the urge to wank to a certain girl. It could be some one you passed in the street, a girl on TV, the chick you think could be "The One", or even a dead body of someone you found attactive. Usally you are very passionet on this one and it can feel very good. You go fast but not with the same ferocity of an Anger Bash. Also with this remember not to become too posesive of what you whack to, remeber its a one person show.

Celebration Cumming: This is simple. Use it as a reward. Get a good grade? Go ahead! Made alot of money? Go ahead! Had charges of exuming and raping a body droped? Go ahead! Be happy, try to avoid some of the stuff you might watch such as bondage or tittie torture. Theres a time and a place for thoes and this is not it.

Group Grab: If your bored of doing it one your own get your friends to join the fun! The best way to do this is to gather around and sit in a circle, then everyone takes their right hand and "assists" the person next to them. The left hand can be used for another activity, such as drinking a beer, or martini. There are many diferent ways to do this one and many more waiting to be discovered. Don't be shy!

Danger Whack: This has been mentioned by some one else on these boards before, but I find it appropriate to use it here and now. This is basically where you call someone into your room and try to whack off before they get to you. If you dont make it then you've "been caught" and lose. This is a form of the bordem bang. If you find you become too good at it then you can step it up. Maybe use the other hand to roll, light, and smoke a joint before that person gets there. You could also clean your seceret gun with the free hand. Again be creative, it can be fun!



Now you have a better understanding of masturbation. Its a good thing to do. You are also now armed with knowledge, with this knowledge comes power. Use it wisely. Don't be afraid to express yourself through masturbation.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A SPECTATERS SPORT!!!

Good night and good luck! :thumbsup:
well i've nailed all, cept danger and group, that's just to risky and to weird