Quote Originally Posted by hipEstoner
ok, so heres the story,,,
my best freind which is a girl has been going out with one of my freinds for about 6 months. he treated her soo good before they were going out buying her weed, flowers, cards, giving her money and a bunch of other shit, . when they started going out things started going downhill, basically he treats her like shit, if he calls and she doesnt answer he will leave a message bitching her out saying fuck you bitch, what the fuck im your fucking boyfreind and you wont answer the fucking phone,, she will call back and she always has a good excuse why she didnt answer as such that she would be taking a shower,downstairs, outside, ect.. her boyfreind which is not my freind anymore bitches out his grandma, treats her like shit, and even hits his grandma, i one time had to knock him out to keep him from beating the shit out of his grandma, ,,, i think that if she keeps going out with him he will start to treat her like his grandma,,,, she has tried breaking up with him before,, sometimes he will say fuck you, blah blah blah, but then the next day he will come over and act like nothing happened , like they hadnt even broken up,,, and then other times he will threaten to kill himself or his grandma if she breaks up with him and he will promise to change,, , she has tried to break up with him about 20 times but shes scared to because shes scared of what will happen, either him killing himself of one of his family,,, shit ive tried to help but i have no idea what to do,,

please help for her sake, any thoughts to tthis prediciment my best freind has gotten herself into will be greatly apppreciated

HipEstoner,

The guy has an abusive personality and that would be hard to change.

Hitting one's Grandmother is a very disturbing thought.

So yes, he will definently be physically abusive to this girl.

Sounds like he is a possessive/jealous type and domineering with a lack respect for others and lack of self-control.

He could be frustrated that he doesnt understand women and lashes out at ALL women in rage as a result.

He should have never started out dating her with the idea that he has to win her over by buying her things.

That will only make her feel obligated.

Flowers, cards, things and especially money is a wrong approach. So is acting possessive.

This probably turned her off, then he made it worse by leaving messages on her answering machine.

She would have responded more favorably had he understood the importance of being an emotional Challenge, being Confident and practicing Self-Control.


As for what to do?


Possesive men dont know when to let go and will threaten to take their life as you say.

They do this in order to use that as a guilt tool. That ranks right up there with stalking behavior............the complete opposite of being an emotional challenge.

He will eventually resolve himself to let go but it will take time.

She seems worried about hurting him. She has to call it off thats all there is to it. Not 20 times, once, and mean it.


Have a good one.