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08-11-2006, 12:39 AM #1Senior Member
Paint a vulgar picture.
Originally Posted by IanCurtisWishlist
Also, as for the incorporation of the Marx quote, you didn't say that religion is much like love; they weren't being similarily compared although that may have been your intentions. You said, "Marx once said, 'Religion is the Opium of the masses'. For everyone else, there is love. If Marx was right, then love must be the heroin of the masses." "for everyone else, there is love." <--You put the two (religion and love) in an either/or, one or the other position. Maybe if you said instead something like: "Marx once said, 'Religion is the Opium of the masses'. If Marx was right, love, like religion, must be the heroin of the masses". Do you get what i'm saying now? You just need to clarify that it is a comparison based on similarity and not a "one or the other" statement. Saying, "for everyone else", reads as: for those who don't have religion, they have love.
You never addressed what I said about sympathy:
"--I think you should elaborate more on the Sympathy part. It seemed out of place and I don't connect it to the rest of your writing. Why did this woman desire sympathy, is that really the root of it all?"
Yes, you're right, if you switched the male to the female, it could be then be deemed a "man-hating" tone, that just means that there is a gender hating component and you saying that is admitting to it. The fact is you decided to make the victim male, and so it is "woman-hating" in tone, especially with the overgeneralizations. You said you were going for bitter, and that is how it read.WeedFaerie420 Reviewed by WeedFaerie420 on . Paint a vulgar picture. Faceless and unknown, she creeps across the dark room. She lies down upon the bed made of roses and drinks the wine made of blood. Sympathy. It's this she has wanted, and she always gets what. You are powerless, your efforts are futile as you fall victim to her seductive charm (and powerful legs). You find yourself wanting to run, yet at the same time you are confused; the decision to take what she offers or to flee that which she offers, is a decision which will plague your conscious for Rating: 5
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