Quote Originally Posted by IanCurtisWishlist
okay fair enough. i'll elaborate on the sympathy part.

when i was writing this, i was bitterly reflecting on a broken relationship. when i was first becoming involved with this girl, it seemed like her world was shattered, and she was very ... eh, how should i say it.. "needy", i guess the word is. I felt as if she was reaching out to someone; the someone being myself. It's just a personal reference. she was looking for sympathy, and that is what I gave her. If I were writing a short story, or fiction, then I would see it fit to elaborate more , as it would become necessary plot details. However in this piece of writing, I was just calming my nerves. a writing exercise, I suppose. but i do see your point.

In response to the marx issue, I can see your point here also. when I wrote "for everybody else, there is love", i was making reference to people who aren't religious. I like your rendition better though; it's more clear, and it conveys my intent.

i appreciate the constructive criticism. it's better than people flaming my work had i taken the time to try to make this a masterpiece, i would have probably re-worded some of it. mind you , this was written in less than 15 minutes... if that sounds unbelievable, you should see me on a keyboard typing at well over 110 WPM

Birdgirl--your comments are welcome also. i dont mind at all!

on a final thought, one could see this piece as a personal inner monologue. I typed this as I thought it. That is to say, I didn't spend much time correcting anything. I just typed as it flowed from my thoughts. you know what i mean?


i usally write as a flow of thoughts and it comes out making little to no sence