Quote Originally Posted by IanCurtisWishlist
okay fair enough. i'll elaborate on the sympathy part.

when i was writing this, i was bitterly reflecting on a broken relationship. when i was first becoming involved with this girl, it seemed like her world was shattered, and she was very ... eh, how should i say it.. "needy", i guess the word is. I felt as if she was reaching out to someone; the someone being myself. It's just a personal reference. she was looking for sympathy, and that is what I gave her. If I were writing a short story, or fiction, then I would see it fit to elaborate more , as it would become necessary plot details. However in this piece of writing, I was just calming my nerves. a writing exercise, I suppose. but i do see your point.

In response to the marx issue, I can see your point here also. when I wrote "for everybody else, there is love", i was making reference to people who aren't religious. I like your rendition better though; it's more clear, and it conveys my intent.

i appreciate the constructive criticism. it's better than people flaming my work had i taken the time to try to make this a masterpiece, i would have probably re-worded some of it. mind you , this was written in less than 15 minutes... if that sounds unbelievable, you should see me on a keyboard typing at well over 110 WPM

Birdgirl--your comments are welcome also. i dont mind at all!

on a final thought, one could see this piece as a personal inner monologue. I typed this as I thought it. That is to say, I didn't spend much time correcting anything. I just typed as it flowed from my thoughts. you know what i mean?


i usally write as a flow of thoughts and it comes out making little to no sence
shoi Reviewed by shoi on . Paint a vulgar picture. Faceless and unknown, she creeps across the dark room. She lies down upon the bed made of roses and drinks the wine made of blood. Sympathy. It's this she has wanted, and she always gets what. You are powerless, your efforts are futile as you fall victim to her seductive charm (and powerful legs). You find yourself wanting to run, yet at the same time you are confused; the decision to take what she offers or to flee that which she offers, is a decision which will plague your conscious for Rating: 5