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08-11-2006, 04:47 AM #4Senior Member
Paint a vulgar picture.
Originally Posted by IanCurtisWishlist
okay fair enough. i'll elaborate on the sympathy part.
when i was writing this, i was bitterly reflecting on a broken relationship. when i was first becoming involved with this girl, it seemed like her world was shattered, and she was very ... eh, how should i say it.. "needy", i guess the word is. I felt as if she was reaching out to someone; the someone being myself. It's just a personal reference. she was looking for sympathy, and that is what I gave her. If I were writing a short story, or fiction, then I would see it fit to elaborate more , as it would become necessary plot details. However in this piece of writing, I was just calming my nerves. a writing exercise, I suppose. but i do see your point.
In response to the marx issue, I can see your point here also. when I wrote "for everybody else, there is love", i was making reference to people who aren't religious. I like your rendition better though; it's more clear, and it conveys my intent.
i appreciate the constructive criticism. it's better than people flaming my workhad i taken the time to try to make this a masterpiece, i would have probably re-worded some of it. mind you , this was written in less than 15 minutes... if that sounds unbelievable, you should see me on a keyboard typing at well over 110 WPM
Birdgirl--your comments are welcome also. i dont mind at all!
on a final thought, one could see this piece as a personal inner monologue. I typed this as I thought it. That is to say, I didn't spend much time correcting anything. I just typed as it flowed from my thoughts. you know what i mean?
i usally write as a flow of thoughts and it comes out making little to no sence[SIZE=\"2\"]Originally Posted by graph
It\'s hard to convince us that weed\'s the problem when all of us here know it\'s not. At one time I think we all used to be like you, we believed the government at face value and accepted the fact that because it\'s illegal, it must be immoral, too. Then we all grew up a little bit and realized our own experiences should shape the path of our lives, not what someone else tells us to think
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