I hope you can keep trying to work with that mediator. The whole situation is troubling to me. There's got to be a way to settle on something you can both live with that will allow you to share custody and also at least nonminally support the kids financially without having to move away from them to do so.

Even though I know it's hard for you to contemplate, I think it's emotionally important for the kids to know you willingly contributed to their support. They're going through enough turmoil with divorcing parents as it is. Whatever you can work out, get it put firmly in writing so she can't weasel out of an agreed arrangement.

Divorce is so hard on everyone, especially when kids are involved, and I had no idea a custody battle was so pricey these days. In custody-contested divorces (and most others, too) someone's always the loser financially. At least that's what they taught us in family law. The petitioner has an advantage, and if that person is also the one who makes the most money, well, it's a greater advantage.

This may be a stupid question, but is there any hope that you could make an arrangement to postpone the divorce for a while? Not in order to reconcile as much as to coast for a while in a situation that'll allow you both fair access to the kids and let you continue being the stay-at-home dad? Or are things already too far gone and angry for that?