Gonnabetoughashell

[RESiNATE]

It is because you are rebelling against conformity, that you feel this way, Ghost.
I have been doing this for years, lol...

There seems to be an order of things - certainly in this society, anyways. This pattern of events is designed to keep us all in the loop. We believe that we have choice, when we do not. Our freedom only extends to the preset parameters that are implanted within us at such an early age.
Look at it like this:
I am so unamoured by humanity, that I would like to divorce myself from society completely. But to do that, I would have to give up everything that I know - friends, family, lifestlye, electricity, internet, etc, etc.... is that really an option? No, it is not.
Some of those things are what makes me happy.
So, I have to live my life in such a way that I can sustain the things that make me happy, whilst enduring the things that I hate doing. Your basic Yin-Yang senario, dude.

So, in the 'real' world, I become someone else (my true self locked deep inside me, away from harm) - I do my job, interact as I am supposed to, whilst remaining detattched enough to avoid becoming depressed at the whole situation lol. But once in a while, you'll meet someone who thinks as you do - and with discussion and understanding, we may find a way to exist harmoniously, rather than reclusively.

I used to believe in Destiny. I have been proven wrong.
I do, however, believe in Fate - She has been steering me ever closer to understanding why I feel this way, and to that end, I remain - hopefull that, one day, I will understand.

It's good to know that I am not alone - something that I am discovering more and more. I wouldn't have known this if I had completely opted-out of society

As for falling in love...sometimes the addage 'it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all', is totally inaccurate - believe

Geez, I sound like a right old paranoidal, miserable, dark bastard, don't I! lol

Anyways, always approach life with a modicum of humour and you'll survive lol - I have....so far...

Res...

[GHoSToKeR]

wow lol

Thanks for the words Cleve, I appreciate it

Res, thanks.. I understood completely what you're saying. I don't think i'll completely withdraw myself from society, from my friends and family. That would be like suicide, without the death part But I do plan to limit my social interactions. The more I spend in the company of these people - some friends, some just acquaintances - the more down I feel myself becoming. I feel myself slipping, almost. Slipping into the monotony and shallowness of society - i'm certain I can physically feel my IQ dropping every time I go out binge drinking or listen to talk about Eastenders or Match Of The Day. But, i'm not arrogant. I understand that to completely detach myself from life will be completely counterproductive, only the strongest willed man could do that without cracking. My plan is just to limit myself, to allow myself sporadic doses of friends and my social life - enough to keep me sane and keep my friends as my friends, but only as much as I want. I think that's the only way I can clear my head, sort things out, and find out what I truely want from life.

Thanks again guys, I appreciate your kind words alot

And Res, 'you got sum skillz, boi!'

peace!

[RESiNATE]

lol...skillz...now, there's a thing - thanks

I have had to do quite alot of soul-searching in my time, and the last few years have been somewhat 'interesting'. But you have to do it properly - a warts and all analysis of you and your life.

I made a list of all the things in my life that make me sad, angry, or depressed.
Then I looked at each problem to decide whether or not I could change or fix the problem. If I could fix it, then all well and good (ie, I wasn't earning enough money to survive, so I got a different job - I now earn enough to survive ...problem solved).
Of those things that were (are) beyond my power to fix, I would have to accept them until such a time that I could remedy the situation, or try to find a way to turn it to my advantage (somehow) - ie, I don't get as much access to my kids as I would like, so therefore when I do have them (which is most weekends, thankfully) I make sure that we have as good a time as we can. Maybe one day, they'll want to come and live with me, thus one less 'darkness'.

When one can identify a problem, then one can set about solving it.
You need to try to identify your anxieties, fears, hopes, and dreams - then start fixing them. You have a long road ahead of you, dude - I am 35, and I still can't identify all of my darkness, but I have solved a great many problems that have enabled me to live slightly happier recently (ie, the 3-levels of existence I described earlier).

Don't blame those around you for their inadequacies, rather, silently mock them for their sheep-like blindness - it's a cheap laugh, I know, but hey, we take what humour we can, init!
And who knows, maybe you'll be the one to open their eyes.

Res...

[GHoSToKeR]

cheers Res

It's not so much that i'm unhappy, or depressed.. It's just that i'm not happy with my friends, or the friends I have at the moment anyway.. I've tried making different friends, i've done it a shit load of times, constantly changing my social group.. but so fae i've found that I just dont fit in, as much as they think I do.. i mean sure, some of them are sound people, but im just not into the same things as them ie getting drunk all the time, fighting or whatever, talkin about tv and keepin up with all the 'trends'.. i just see it as shallow and pointless right now.. so i just figure some time to myself will do me good

anyway, peace

[RESiNATE]

lol yup, I know where your head is at, dude, been there many a time, and in some respects still am.

This may help
http://www.writing.com/main/books/en...74/action/view
Res...

[GHoSToKeR]

lol yup, I know where your head is at, dude, been there many a time, and in some respects still am.

This may help
http://www.writing.com/main/books/en...74/action/view
Res...

thanks Res i'll take a look at that link when ive had some sleep.. right now it just looks like too much for me to read lol peace