Gonnabetoughashell

[GHoSToKeR]

Res, I noticed you said you've "withdrawn yourself from society".. The older I get, even though i'm still only 17, the more I feel myself doing this too. I go out with some mates, or I go to a club/pub/bar/restaurant, and all everyone wants to do is get drunk and talk about TV and sports. If I try and talk about something even slightly taxing on the brain, then I get looks of disgust. lol

So the older (and, hopefully one day, more mature, ahem) I get, the more I feel myself wanting to be alone, where at least I can do what I want. I wont have to put up a facade, or get drunk all the time (ive given up alcohol), or show off by always trying to pull (though I havent given up sex, thank fuck for that lol) or talk about stuff that doesn't even interest me.. Hopefully, spending more time alone will help me find myself and realise my own ambitions.. and at the same time, I wont be among people smoking and drinking

I'll also get more time to write, which I've always found hard to do when i'm constantly going out with mates, watching TV so I can keep up with everyones mundane, repetitive conversations, and being hungover every weekend. Writing is what I love to do. I haven't written anything for a while, because i've found it difficult to relax, because of the reasons I just stated.. But, apart from music, writing is my one true passion, so I guess i'm doing this so that I don't keep putting it off until i'm old, fat and wondering where my life went, with half a dozen mediocre manuscripts in my desk draw that 'i'll get round to eventually' because 'hey, i'm only 45... there's still time yet'.

But, at the same time, giving up meat, alcohol, ciggies and most of my social life will be tough, but i'll be better off in the long run. So expect ahellofalot more posts from the GHoST (sorry dog420 lol)

GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on 10-06-2004. Gonnabetoughashell Res, I noticed you said you've "withdrawn yourself from society".. The older I get, even though i'm still only 17, the more I feel myself doing this too. I go out with some mates, or I go to a club/pub/bar/restaurant, and all everyone wants to do is get drunk and talk about TV and sports. If I try and talk about something even slightly taxing on the brain, then I get looks of disgust. lol So the older (and, hopefully one day, more mature, ahem) I get, the more I feel myself wanting to be Rating: 5

[apsinthion]

I mentiond that I was reading a book to a couple of guy's at work and all I got was a "yeah" and a you sad bastard look.

And because I barely ever watch tv I spend a lot of time sitting through conversations with nothing to say (tv seems to be the only thing they ever talk about)

I end up balenceing thing's on my chin and stuff to get attention lol.

But take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself outherwise you'll end up living in misery

[GHoSToKeR]

naw man, thats what im trying to say.. ive been living in misery for years.. even though ive always been popular and had alot of friends, ive never been happy or felt entirely comfortable around them, because liek i said, most of them do their best to uphold the name "yob culture" that this society has been given.. and i hate it.. time alone will do me good, trust me

and before anyone asks, no, i dont think im better than anyone.. not at all, i just feel that i dont quite fit in, due to the fact that i dont like to get drunk every weekend, chase girls, and engage in all the other testosterone fueled activites.. peace

[High phy]

Kudos, Ghost. If you really love writing, i recomend you to read a lot too. I love writing. Gave up tv, meat, tobacco, chemical drugs and alcohol some years ago.

And People doesnt get any better. Isolation looks like the only way out. If youre Lucky enough youre gonna stumble with a couple of nice individuals to hang around with. But even the best of companies gets boring from time to time. If you got some mad good luck you can even manage to get in love (but i cant recommend that, ho well, if you do enjoy it ).

Im gonna celebrate your expantion to the inner world tomorrow, ill smoke one fer ya.

[GHoSToKeR]

thanks High phy

As for reading, I read alot! I only sleep a couple of hours a night, so when everyone else has gone to bed I read, read, read lol I go through 1-3 books a week, and I read anything, from Shakespeare to Harry Potter, from Stephen King to Edgar Allen Poe.. even if I dont enjoy it i'll still read it, because the more you read the better, and I like to see different styles or writing, too

As for falling in love, man I dunno, hopefully I wont 'fall in love' just yet, because everyone takes it for granted, falling in and out of love every couple of weeks.. when I fall in love I want it to be the real thing, not just some hyped up lust or infatuation

peace man, and thanks again

[clevemire]

Cool beans, Ghost.

I think it's a part of growing up and also a sign of increasing maturity.

I do know what you're saying. Some people are happy living a pointless flatline life full of repetetive actions, like watching assloads of TV and spending rediculous amounts of money at bars and clubs and other meager shit like that.

The rest of us.. well we have to leave those people in the dust as we move ahead in life and reach towards our goals. It's good to hear that you are starting to focus more on yourself. It's a necessity, in order to be happy with who you are. I applaud you for that.

[RESiNATE]

Hi Ghost..lol

The thing is, one can never totally exclude themselves from society - the implanted programming will not allow you - nor will the society in which you live. And it is a sad existence.

I am 35 years old, and during my life I have experienced a hell of alot of stuff - it is with this experience and knowledge of life that I have arrived at the conclusion that (although I am not alone in the way that I feel) I do not 'fit-in' to the protocol.
I agree with your sentiment about the 'drone mentality' exhibited by those around you, and I too become exhasperated by their level of 'closed-mindedness'. I think that I have become an 'intellect snob', and find it difficult to tolerate those people who cannot think outside of the box - or even see the sociopathic manipulation that they (and indeed the world) are being subjected to. Recent world-wide events typify the level of brain-washing that is going on. Or am I just being paranoid?

I look around me at the practices of Man, and wonder at our short-sightedness. I despair at the fact that the evidence of our global desecration is plain to see, and yet we choose to continue regardless, for the sake of making a buck. What about the future?
I cannot understand how one human being can willingly cause harm and distress to another human being. And yet, we only have to turn on our TV, to witness it on a world-wide scale - everyday.

Selfishness and greed has blinded us to the bigger picture, and soon, we shall suffer the consequences of our actions.

Basic rule of physics: Every action has a reaction. Cause and effect, if you like

As I say, my life has had many episodes, and my decision to exist in this world, rather than live in it, is based upon those experiences and my dwindling sufferance of what we have become.

Sorry, I am bitter, but I play the game on MY terms now (as much as I can).
I exist within 3 planes:
The first plane is actual reality - I need a job and other people to survive (cursed money! lol)
The second plane is immediate reality - family life and interaction with like-minded friends (like your good selves )
The third plane is my reality - and this place can get pretty dark at times.

All I am saying, I guess, is that you have yet to experience a great many things - as we all have - and whilst your thinking exhibits insight, I would advise you to post-pone your exclusion from society for a while longer yet
Rather, keep in mind your observations and continue as you are - just be more aware of the subliminal programming, and turn that knowledge to your advantage, ie, don't allow yourself to be drawn into the drone-mentality and remain true to yourself.

As for pursuing a 'hobby' in writing - go for it!
I spent alot of my time writing stuff, especially when I was at my darkest - it helped me to understand myself, as well as the world around me. But NEVER let your darkness consume you lol

Here is an example of my darkness...

RES IS DEAD

Out of the darkness from whence I resided,
A difficult choice that I have decided,
Of pain that I have caused, and has been done unto me,
No more, I tell you, in this, my decree.

The path to enlightenment, which I thought had been clear,
Prophecy and destiny, theories I had held dear,
Have all turned to rot now, no more than a lie,
The will to continue is ready to die.

The sadness weighs heavy in my faintly beating heart,
No more of this world do I want to be a part,
The last of my days I will spend on my own,
Until Death comes to get me, and the exit be shown.

Do not mourn for me, people, nor pass a fleeting care,
I betrayed the very fabric of the morals I spoke clear,
My spirit is broken, and hope lost forever,
I was just very stupid, when I thought I was clever.

The pedestal that I stood upon lies in tiny little bits,
Smashed into insignificance by my own lack of wits,
How foolish I look now, atop this sorry pile of stone,
Just desserts, I guess, I deserve to be alone.

No longer shall I tarry, in this painful world of Man,
Nor waste any effort on my fruitless, future plan,
My time here is over, the pain so nearly done,
"Well done, 'Higher Being', you've very nearly won!"

I thought that I was part of a complicated plan,
Judged and overseen by a bearded holy man,
Thinking that my efforts would be an asset to my life,
That would somehow contribute to the easing of my strife.

The light almost past, and darkness growing deeper,
Arms outstretched, I embrace the Soul Keeper,
The chill of death feels welcome and complete,
As I succumb to my failings and defeat.

Back to the Darkness of sadness and pain,
The Res Spirit fades, never seen again,
No life flows through the vessel left instead,
There is no doubt, Res is truly dead.

lol...yep, I was pretty dark then...

Res...

[Lulu]

Res, you have a wonderful turn of phrase
That poem is beautiful

[RESiNATE]

Awww, thanks Lulu - you're too kind *blushes*

[clevemire]

I feel a change in the wind.
must be because: