hey, bird Girl,

Thanks for your post, yeah your right about those things, I understand I shouldn't be doing much of any kind of illicit things right now, but as you said things like this are very stress full and I think I have been feeling sorry for myself too much, (I've heard that alot lately ), you sound like you know what your talking about. That medicine sucks well I don't know if its the pheny, or maybe side effects from the seizure, but for 2 days after i got out of the hospital, I was fuckin up talking real bad, like for example I would say can 'you pass me a ....(thinking of coffee cup) a....a....shit!" and i couldn't think of what I was gonna say, sad shit like that, but now its been 3 weeks and I am perfectly acting 199% normal, nothing wrong at all, except what I can't see (on thee inside)., And another think too when this shit was happening 3 weeks ago, like you said I wouldn't want to kill anyone driving, I thank goodness I wasn't because I was completely like unconcious when it was about to go down, and i was talking and shit (so says family and doctors)
they asked me to do like hand motions and dumb shit to see if I was on drugs and so they say I did most of them but afterwards had NO recalection of them whatso ever, my mother tells me the 1st thing they thought was that I was drunk or high on somthing, and luckily I hadn't smoked in like3-4 weeks prior, so my blood test came back100% clean, and my mother was all happy and shit, haha and the doctor goes "well this new drug called ecstacy sometimes is untraceable in drug tests" and my mother was like, what the fuck? he don't do ex, but that shit was nuts then they say a X-ray or some cat scan and the other doctor runs in and shit and he goes 'u got one sick guy here" and they told everyone what was happenin, and keep in mind Im 100% outa of it, so they have to rush me an hour away to a real good hospital cuz the one we were at did'nt have equiptment for treating "brain" issues, and i get put on life (lung breathing support) to lower blood pressure and ridin in an ambulance doin a buck, and I am sleeping through the whole episode, so it was some pretty crazy shit, and the reason I asked about the trees weather or not I should burn them, was because in the hospital they doped me all up with percaset and vicoden, and then the phenytoin on top of it, do I thought maybe it wouldnt' effect me much but rather be safe then speechless, you know?

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I will deffinately be having the surgery if possible though, doc says I need an MRI , this friday, and they are gonna see the source of my seizure area (hmmm, I dont know what im talking about) gonna see the source of whats caused my seizure, and they will do the operation (brain surgery ) like you said, and he said, the only reason they wouldn't be able to do it is if:
1. The spot is to close to the speech coordinating center of my brain, or
2. its to close to the memory coordinating center of the brain,
in which case the surgery could screw up my brain as far as me talking and remembering my family,....so Im on my knees hoping that its far enough away so I can get this bitch out and be back to my fun somewhat healthy, happy life! haha, if not and the doc says no surgery, than its Phenytoin for life which means probably only beable to smoke once in a great while, (monthly) and probaly on be able to drink 1 beer but I also thought about another scary though these guys could totally overestimate them selves and go right ahead chop open my head and fuck my brain to shit, where I end up comming out not remembering my frieds and talking "yike dis, an sthhhlerring myy ssssthpeech up wwreell wweelll bad" so I am very un certain about much of my near future but, here in the expensive state of CT, today is monday, and alls i know is i got four days til, this shit goes down... so I will deffinately let you know, thanks again for your time and posting hope I didnt bore the crap out of you, im just not doing much at the moment and can type quite fast, thanks though, lata'
:rasta: