no that's not why i'm depressed and i'm not suicidal, i'm depressed because every birthday i have i realize it's another year i've accomplished nothing (there's people who aren't even motivated to do the things they need to do, others that just live their life day by day (me) and some who have high hopes and dreams, i don't reallly have money to go back to school, and there's just nothing to really do for me... except wake up, do essiental daily stuff, play a game or two, and go back to sleep...) and also, my entire family with the exception of like 3-4 people have disowned me.. they all hate me (believe me i'm not over exagerating, they all really do hate me, i'm the scapegoat of the family =/) it's just a depressing realization that happens 2 times a year, christmas and birthdays (when most people are with their whole families, i'm not.)

about the leaving, it doesn't really matter if weed just fell in my lap once or twice, we can't really afford first of all (remember our food stamps got cut, if you've read my venting post) and there's just no where to get it to begin with, i mean yea i'm sure you could find someone here, if you looked through everyone, but 98% of the people that have been asked if they have any, or know where they can get any, are looking for someone to get it from themselves...

wife won't let me grow, so i can just kiss that idea goodbye, believe me i do want to grow..

and it's a plant, i think you mean psychologist (psychiatrists are the ones who prescribe meds, psychologist can't.), and i've had one for quite awhile (don't anymore) talking about problems never has helped me.. i write poetry/songs to get my feelings out usually, but this isn't something that can just be let out, the depression over it can, but it's not just going to go away, it's not something i can just make peace with either... it's really shitty to be hated by your entire family..