Quote Originally Posted by birdgirl73
Haze, sweetie, I've been thinking about your and your brother all day today and hoping you guys and your mom are all making it OK. I'm so sorry about your loss, and I know it's been devastating for you all, particularly you since you felt like things weren't left on a good note and for your brother, who found him.

You're doing precisely what you need to be doing, and I'm in awe of how articulately and sensitively you're writing about what you're feeling and thinking. That's very healthy, and I'm glad you're continuing to check in here.

You can still talk to your dad, actually. I truly believe he's someplace where he can hear and feel the love you express, and it's important to voice what you wish you could say even if he's no longer here in the conscious world. I've got a very ill sister who's not going to be with us for a whole lot longer, and one of the things she has asked for is for us to write letters to her and put them with her when she's buried because she thinks it'll be comforting for her and therapeutic for us. I'm sure it will be. Even so, we're all making sure we say what we need to now, too. Anyway, that letter idea might be a good one for you, too.

I don't know if this'll help or not, but parents and kids have friction. It's expected. And even when we parents are mad at our kids or they are mad at us, we still know we love each other. Even when very mean things are said, we do. Your dad knew you loved him. I promise he did. And he loved you. He wouldn't have done that road trip if that weren't the case. He wouldn't have been the hard-ass he was at times if that weren't the case.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, hon. Keep us in the loop because we're all thinking about you, pulling for your family, and sending all the positive energy we can. Take care.
i sincerely appreciate this, ms. bird
he was a hard ass at times, but i still miss him
he was the only one who accepted my usage of pot
its just hes gone forever... i might be able to talk to him... but the best part was always holding a conversation with him... he was well versed, extremely smart, and articulate (in fact i just found out that if it werent for him being called to Laos for combat... he was going to go to oxford) and it was just heavenly arguing with him. it took me three hours of consistent battering to convince him to let me smoke. he was kind and open minded... even being raised in a strictly lutheran home he converted to judaism just out of love for my mother, and because he found that he could hold a more gripping conversation with a rabbi than he ever could have with a pastor... no offense to any other religions out there... love you all... and it was just like... damn... hes gone... he aint comin back, and thats the part that hurts me the most. its one sided conversation from here on out. all me. it hurts me inside. makes me feel like not living anymore... you know to go up there and see him... burying your father at this age is not something that anyone likes to do... its going to be the hardest thing i have ever done immediately following the best three weeks of my life