I know this isnt exactly bad sex, but it kinda fits in.

I bought my (then) girlfriend an extremely pricey white gold and diamond necklace for christmas. She was obviously pleased with it, as she started to give me the best handjob ever. We werent at the sex stage yet, although its safe to say I woulda shagged her instantly, and not just cos she was so hot (IMO anyway). As I was nearing my climax, I started to get this intense pain in the back of my head, slowly engulfing the whole of my head. At first I thought it was just a headrush, but after a while it really started to hurt. I thought it would be rude to ask her to stop, so she carried on. About a minute after I spunked, I felt the urge to vomit, and luckily I had just enough time to go to the bathroom. But oooh no, I had to shit and vomit at the same time. Fuck, and my girlfriend was in the next room and Im positive she could hear everything. This wasnt one of those little ploppy poos, it was like shitting a mans head out and exploding as it came out. Grenade-shits as I like to call them. Anyway, I was sitting there shitting and puking at the same time, when I realise that maybe theres something wrong because I just cant stop being sick. After a chat with my GP, I learnt that it was a side effect of the AntiDeps I was on. Lovely.

We broke up shortly after. If you cant stomach the sound of me having a shit, then you cant stomach me at all.