Swinging Lifestyle

[WeedFaerie420]

What are your ideas on and/or experiences with the swinging lifestyle (committed couples swapping partners with full consent and openly)?

I've been in a relationship right now for the past 3 years that will probably result in marriage in the future. I am curious about swinging but wouldn't try it any time soon. I'd feel very jealous seeing him with another woman at this point but if he didn't feel jealous and would let me hook up with another female, that would be awesome! lol

WeedFaerie420 Reviewed by WeedFaerie420 on 07-02-2006. Swinging Lifestyle What are your ideas on and/or experiences with the swinging lifestyle (committed couples swapping partners with full consent and openly)? I've been in a relationship right now for the past 3 years that will probably result in marriage in the future. I am curious about swinging but wouldn't try it any time soon. I'd feel very jealous seeing him with another woman at this point but if he didn't feel jealous and would let me hook up with another female, that would be awesome! lol Rating: 5

[JunkYard]

I haven't done it in years, but would definately do it again with a willing partner. My first time was with a sexy little freak, and her girl friend. They taught me things I had never heard of, lol! I guess I was 18 at the time, and after that experience, I was determined to find myself a girlfriend who was open to it.

I finally did a couple years later, and we had third persons in the bedroom with us weekly. (For like two+ years) It was fun; it felt dangerously taboo, it felt sexy, and it got us off proper.

There wasn't 'too' much jealousy involved either; I loved the idea of her being with a woman, and she loved the way it turned me on. I may have become jealous if another guy was involved, but I had no problem with her being with a woman as I was always able to participate with both girls.

Good times!

[ThatTokenWhiteGuy]

I dig it.

[Az.]

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years, and recently came out to her..

I explained I wanted to experiment with guys and she completly understood...
So I did and still do regularily meet up with guys...

I guess it's slightly different to swinging,,,,but kinda the same in a way...

[beachguy in thongs]

Think about it, though. If I wanted to do a threesome, with you, WeedFaerie, wouldn't you think that I, being the third-wheel, would desire you?

[WeedFaerie420]

Think about it, though. If I wanted to do a threesome, with you, WeedFaerie, wouldn't you think that I, being the third-wheel, would desire you?

Hypothetically speaking, you mean for you to agree to a threesome including you, me and my boyfriend, it would have to mean you desire me as well as my boyfriend? ..and so i shouldn't feel jealous of my boyfriend taking part in it to? I don't know if Im following. But if that is what you meant, the issue for me isn't that I would think the third wheel wouldn't want me and would just want my boyfriend, it would just make me jealous seeing him have sex with another girl in front of me, even if I was involved and knew she wanted us both.

There are all different ways for swinging. I think the standard with a heterosexual couple is to swap partners, like a couple AB would swap with couple CD to form AC and BD. Sometimes they do it in front of eachother (like a 4 person orgy). Other times, swingers might just invite a third member.

[Breukelen advocaat]

I read this story from a paper distributed for free in NYC, the New York Press, June 28 - July 4th. Some interesting tidbits about today's urban "swingers", and the places that have sprung up for events and gatherings.

SEX AND THE FAITHFUL CITY,
A new breed of New Yorkers look to strengthen the ties of monogamy through open sexual relationships

By Stephanie Sellars

In a candlelit room, a gorgeous nude woman is leaning her arms on a white-sheeted bed, while a hot man penetrates her from behind. Next to them, another attractive couple is in the same position, and the womanâ??s breasts are spilling out of the lacy top of her French Maid outfit. The two women kiss and fondle each other with a delight that comes from the awareness that they have only just met and find themselves in this mutually pleasurable situation. A few feet away, a couple of women are on their knees, playing with each otherâ??s tits while another hetero couple is heaving to the rhythms of missionary sex that is everything but traditional. Sounds like a fantasy, right? Or a porn film? Itâ??s neither. Itâ??s a real scene from something that can be experienced at least once a week in New York City, in the fascinating underground world of sex parties.

These arenâ??t the standard parties that somehow, through a steady stream of libations, turn into spontaneous orgies. â??Sex Partiesâ?� are like live porn, only better, because you are directly involved. Whether they are called Swingers Parties, Play Parties or Erotic Soirées, they are fantasies played out on a sensual stage where group sex, voyeurism and exhibitionism are not exactly planned but expected and encouraged in a space where people feel safe and free to explore their sexuality on a communal level.

Roughly 1.5 million people in the United States are swingers. Also know discreetly as â??The Lifestyle,â?� swinging is any form of recreational social sex, a practice that defies the norm of sexual monogamy in committed relationships. For many young urban swingers, â??swingingâ?� is a dated term that implies middle-aged hippie orgies and suburban key parties in the â??70s. According to Terry Gould, author of The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, swinging started with World War II fighter pilots who cared for each othersâ?? wives if the husbands were away or missing in action. By the time the Korean War ended, these communities had spread to the suburbs and the media dubbed the phenomenon â??wife-swapping.â?�

As the movement grew and found its place in the cities, it has evolved into organized clubs and parties, where sexually open people may find ample opportunity for a threesome or an orgy. My introduction to the New York scene was through OneLegUpNYC, a service devoted to creating regular erotic soirées in upscale venues. The first party I attended was a â??Take-Out.â?� The theme was Moulin Rouge Masquerade, so I wore a corset and Victorian bloomers with a Venetian mask. My date was elegantly dressed in black velvet. Scattered rose petals greeted us at the entrance and trailed up the stairs to the second floor of the lofty, mahogany paneled, gilded ceiling club. Already it felt like a fantasy. Condoms, lube packets, lollipops and candy necklaces decorated the candlelit tables. As the room filled, various characters emerged: a woman bearing colorful, glittering, naked breasts offering body painting; a buff man wearing nothing but crotch-clinging black shorts was available for back massages; and delicious dancers in elaborate burlesque sequin and feather costumes fluttering through the room, distributing pasties to eager women. My date watched and grinded behind me as I danced, kissed and caressed several women. Though I kissed a few other guys and he tasted the lips of a few ladies, it was clear that the females reigned in this space. We ended up taking a woman back to my place, hence â??Take-Out.â?�

OneLegUpNYC also offers â??Side-Dishâ?� soirées (catering to singles), and â??Eat-Inâ?� soirées for those who hunger for more of a full meal. You must be a member or the guest of a member to attend an Eat-In. At 12:30 a.m., everyone must strip to his/her underwear. The underwear doesnâ??t stay on for long.

Despite Hollywoodâ??s on-screen hedonism, we are still living in a sexually repressed culture, and people want an alternative to the anonymous plethora of porn clogging the Internet and seedy back alley DVD stores. This alternative world allows them to explore their sexuality without worrying about unwanted advances. Membership to OneLegUpNYC requires that couples submit an essay as well as photos, so the horny hogs and disrespectful swingers are weeded out immediately.

In New York, the Lifestyle is attracting younger couples in their twenties and thirties, as well as singles. For singles (women especially), erotic parties are a positive alternative to one-night stands and the conventional bar scene. It is a safer, practical way to have a sex life if youâ??re not interested in dating. At the same time, singles may meet other singles they might want to date, as in any community of like-minded people.

All of the parties Iâ??ve attended do not allow single males, not to deny single men pleasure, but to ensure that all the guests feel comfortable in a gender-balanced environment. Since female bisexuality is a major component of the Lifestyle, it is easier for a single woman to approach a couple at a party than it is for a single guy. (Male-male activity is accepted but rare.) If the women are comfortable, the men will be comfortable, but it doesnâ??t usually work the other way around.

As one taste of a good thing whets the appetite for more, this curious cat recently attended a bi-female Play Party sponsored by Premium Events. A hefty man greeted me at the door of the swanky Noho loft. I thought I was in the wrong place, but no, this was the guy to whom I had emailed my photo, height, weight and age for membership acceptance. After he introduced me to the Coppertone complexioned hostess and a few of the â??dancersâ?� who were hired as entertainment, a voice inside my head began a one-phrase monologue of bridge-and-tunnel. When I realized I was in the minority of women not hired for the night, the voice said, â??Iâ??ll give it about 20 minutes before Iâ??m out the door.â?� How threatening could a roomful of women in lingerie be? I felt more comfortable as I eased into a conversation with two dancers who knew each other from college. One had majored in cultural studies and talked about her thesis on the empowerment of strippers. The other intrigued me with details of her urban studies project on feminist geography in the subway. Twenty minutes had passed and I was not headed for the door. This was too interesting.

The party didnâ??t really get wild until after the hot buffet finally arrived at midnight. The two Jacuzzi bathtubs were bubbling and soon there were five naked girls in a tub. I had the pleasure of receiving a lap dance from Myla, an Amazonian beauty who identified herself as a bona-fide lesbian. When I told her I never had a threesome with two women, she suggested we go find Lulu, the sexed-up Thai girl who had arrived around the time everyone was eating lasagna. The three of us got cozy on the black leather couch, and Iâ??ll just say we played a hot, multi-cultural game of pussy-in-the-middle. Before I knew it, it was 3 a.m. How did 20 minutes become five hours?

Premium Events also hosts couples parties and lap dance events catering to single men. Though not as sophisticated as OneLegUpNYC, Premium Events parties are affordable and spicy, especially if you meet some interesting strippers. Palagia, the owner/founder of OneLegUpNYC, has been criticized for her high prices, but what distinguishes One Leg Up from other Lifestyle parties is in the details. And details are expensive. Palagia is Greek, and she brings a historic Grecian sensibility to the soirées: sophisticated entertainment, quality music, specific themes and at the Eat-Ins, generous platters of rustic breads, whole fruits and vegetables, like a feast for Eros and Aphrodite. OneLegUpNYC is taking the swinger scene to another level. In fact, any variation of the word â??swingingâ?� is nonexistent on the website.

Instead, it is referred to as a â??Sensual Movement.â?� In Palagiaâ??s words, â??Itâ??s not about coming to have sex. Itâ??s not about swinging. Itâ??s about erotica.â?�
And erotica is as broad a term as any to describe this fascinating lifestyle. From painted breasts to full-blown orgies, fantasies come alive. If youâ??re an exhibitionist, youâ??ll have your audience. If you prefer to see your boyfriend get it on with another chick, youâ??ll have your pick of willing women. It is acceptable to simply stroll through play areas and observe others in action. The beauty of the Lifestyle is the common understanding that â??no means noâ?� while promoting the freedom to fulfill individual desires.

For many of those involved, swinging is not just about swapping anymore. It has moved beyond breaking up the routine of monogamy. In a recent national online survey of 1,092 swingers, 62.6 percent found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships (Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 2000).

Among those with unhappy relationships, 90.4 percent said their relationships improved after swinging. The respondents also rated their lives as more satisfying and exciting. According to the numbers, the Lifestyle appears to discourage jealousy and cheating while promoting open, honest communication between couples and other sex partners. In Palagiaâ??s forthcoming book, a compendium of essays penned by party attendees, one couple says, â??Being able to have sex with others at the same time, being in the trusting and loving presence of each other is the ultimate joy for us!â?�
Ultimately, the argument made by these couples is: Including your partner in outside sexploration allows greater intimacy. Another couple in the book asserts, â??One of the things that I have always appreciated about my girlfriendâ??s sexuality is her openness and willingness to explore...I love being with a woman who understands herself and who is not afraid to tell me and communicate her needs in an intimate setting.â?� Swinging is slowly becoming an anchor for many couples who find themselves awash in a society that upholds a double standard when it comes to committed relationships: monogamy is the romantic ideal, but deception and torrid affairs make the movies.

Despite the benefits, the Lifestyle is not for everybody and is still considered taboo in mainstream circles. But in an era where at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages, rigid monogamy is as outdated as homophobia. Perhaps in the near future it will be as trendy to be a swinger as it is to be gay. In the meantime, if you want to live out your fantasies, there are plenty of options from which to choose. You may just find a beautiful naked masseuse slowly sliding her breasts up and down your torso, as the voices of voyeurs make you feel as though you are just as much in the scene as you are on the sideline, watching.

http://www.nypress.com/19/26/news&columns/feature.cfm

[muncheemama]

why would someone do that? I guess I love my hubby too much to see him do things to another woman that he does to me. I am an extremely jealous person and I have enough self awareness to know that if we ever did that, it would be the end of our relationship....I can sort of admire people who are secure enough to see that and not want to vomit or beat the shit out of someone... I wish I were that secure, but I cant imagine ever, for any reason, sharing my man willingly....