An Easy Guide to Political Ideologies Using Two Cows

[GHoSToKeR]

An Easy Guide to Political Ideologies Using Two Cows.

• FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
• FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
• PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
• APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
• MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. The government's wife turns your cows into thousands of pairs of shoes.
• TINPOT DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
• PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
• REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
• AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the President is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows sue you for breach of contract.
• BUSH DEMOCRACY: The son of the last President promises to protect you and your two cows under an impenetrable "missile shield" if you vote for him. You vote for his rival but he still gets in. The economy grinds to a halt, your pastures are turned over to oil exploration companies, and both of your cows, formerly valued at millions on the NASDAQ, are sold by your investors to recoup their tech-stock losses. The Military-Industrial complex still receives billions in corporate welfare to develop cow-based defences ("fetchez la vache") that don't work but antagonise your neighbours.
• BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government does not do anything.
• EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it Pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
• PURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• APPLIED CAPITALISM: You ship both of your cows to the developing world and pay peanuts to have them milked there by children. You then ship the milk back to your own country and pay expensive PR companies millions to create a happy smiley image for your Burger Corporation and do very, very well.
• HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
• TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
• POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
• COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.
• SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• WICCA: You have a cow and a bullock. You meet eight times a year to perform rites that celebrate the cow seasons: Covering, Grazing, Calving and Weaning, plus the two Solstices and the two Bovinoxes. You pay homage to the Earth Heifer and the Long Horned God.
• HIERARCHICAL HIGH MAGIC: You have two cows, you declare yourself the leader of an ancient secret order called the Bubulus Order of the Golden Pail with roots back to the beginning of time. You initiate your cows into the first grade and tell them that with the appropriate practice they can gain access to great ancient wisdom and power over the physical universe. As your cows progress through the grades they read the same books you did, start to get their own ideas and form a splinter group called the Argentum Mulgere. After much unseemly argument you end up in court over the rights to the secret papers of the order which by now have been published in a dozen new age books anyway.

GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on 09-28-2004. An Easy Guide to Political Ideologies Using Two Cows An Easy Guide to Political Ideologies Using Two Cows. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government Rating: 5

[KyserSozay]

iv seen this..lmfao....it still kills me

[RESiNATE]

hehehe very cool
I especially like the COUNTERCULTURE bit lmao
got total visuals with it

ffs I'm stoned lol...need another joint


and another tea...god, I love tea...
Ireckon I drink 10 cups a day...easy

shit, I just realsied that all I do is drink tea and smoke joints !!!







cool

[gjayde]

fucken awesome...

[dog420]

lmao cool ,,,,,MMmmmmm cows....i could eat a whole cow right now MMmmmmm

Peace

[Imotep]

Hahahahahahahaha
thats a beauty.

[ermitonto]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...two_cows_jokes

[KronicKing]

lmao that has to be the best way ive heard it put =P well then im compareing it to bush

[GHoSToKeR]

lmao cool ,,,,,MMmmmmm cows....i could eat a whole cow right now MMmmmmm

Peace

funny.. got any veggie jokes while ya here? im sure i aint heard em before.. ahem

lol peace

[gs8778]

Moo