Vagina Eyeball.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

When I was a little bit younger there was this woman that lived at the end of my street. She had been born with a rare deformity of the face in which her left eye was an actual small vagina. We used to call her "Ol' pussy eye" or "Magnum P.I" for short.
She used to sell some of us kids that lived round there Xanexs. Sometimes we would go over there and drink beers and stuff. It was weird but kinda cool cause she'd let us get as fucked up as we wanted to. One time she let one of my buddies stick his finger all the way in her eye. We had dared him to ask her before we went there that day. That shit was gross! She actually used to date this old man that lived behind her in the woods named "Gary".
Gary was a Vietnam War veteran that claimed he used to walk "point" for his platoon. Basically "walking point" is where one man walks several yards ahead of his squad in order to sniff out booby traps or hidden attacks. He said he was always armed with a 12 guage sawed off shotgun and had literally foiled many suprise attacks by "blowing apart" the enemy......
Gary also told us he was so good that his platoon leader started recruiting him for secret one-man missions in which he would sneak into Vietnamese camps and slit generals necks while they slept. One night when we were really drunk, he went as far to say that he got to be soooo good at that, that he could actually fuck someone in their ass before they had time to die.......
This really freaked me the fuck out.
I used to see Gary walking to her house sometimes dressed in full drag. Wig, dress, lipstick, and the whole 9.........
He said the U.S government had been after him for years because of "top secret" information that he still knew.
I guess they made a good couple.
The thing that used to really freak all of us out though was the lady's pet mutant turtle......
Not the kind from the cartoon, but a real life mutant turtle she kept in a 85 gallon aquarium she had in the living room.
Now that I think about it, it did kind of look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, just without the weapons and ninja shit on.
But, it walked on two feet just like the cartoons and was really buff and strong.... It was about the size of one of the TMNT's figurines too. You know, kinda small and shit.
She had one of those big porceline castles in the aquarium that it used to live in. I only saw that fucker a couple of times, but when I did, it scared the hell outta me. This lady must've had like a hunded fish in the tank too. Mean fuckers like Jack Dempsys and big African Cichlids. I saw that damned turtle grab one of the Cichlids one time with its bare hands and eat that fucker. Scared the fuck outta me!!! She told us it did it whenever it got hungry and that's why she kept so many fish in there.
After I moved away, I heard that turtle got pissed one night and punched a hole through the glass and escaped. Shortly after, a neighborhood kid vanished and was never seen again. Everybody says the turtle did it.
I also heard Gary flipped out one night and burned the house down while him and her were inside of it.
I don't know, I haven't been down there in a long time......

discuss?

Cooler Then Jesus Reviewed by Cooler Then Jesus on 06-25-2006. Vagina Eyeball. When I was a little bit younger there was this woman that lived at the end of my street. She had been born with a rare deformity of the face in which her left eye was an actual small vagina. We used to call her "Ol' pussy eye" or "Magnum P.I" for short. She used to sell some of us kids that lived round there Xanexs. Sometimes we would go over there and drink beers and stuff. It was weird but kinda cool cause she'd let us get as fucked up as we wanted to. One time she let one of my buddies Rating: 5

[OzzyOz]

umm that's kinda weird

my dad knew someone that was in nam' and so paranoid about that government that he actually hid guns in his walls. So if the governemnt turned on him, he could just punch into one of his walls and grab a pistol.

Crazyyyyyyyyy

my brother when he went to military school also had a teacher that was one of the people who'd search the tunnels that were often booby trapped in Vietnam... he was also sometimes on the edge, but a cool guy

[NightProwler]

cooler than jesus, thats the best story ive read in a verryyy fucking long time! i dont even care if its not true, that story kept me hooked.

[jebus]

damn, that was a great story. True or not, it somehow maintains a sense of suspension of disbelief.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

it is very true, i saw it with my own 2 eyes, lol. and my freind chewey who still lives about a block away, said that there is a New house in place, and that he did try to burn it down, with both of them in it, and that he failed, and they re-built the house, and after he got out of jail, hey married the 1 eyed wonder and they live in the new house now, and he is still a transteticle, and that they are still letting minors get shitfaced on their property, im going to go visit them soon, i feel like they are part of my family or something, lol, gary gave me my first hit of real weed too, he had like a quarter pound that he showed me, and he rolled a spliff like 1/2 a foot long and burned it with me, magnum P.I., chewey, jackson, and my girl freind becka. we were all only 12, lol. im 15 now.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

nah, she didnt moan, she said it hurts, and that there is no nerve endings or w/e in it.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

hehe, i got garys phone number, i am going to ask him if him in the wifey wants to take me and chewey fishing this saturday at the nearby river, lol. this should be fun. gary likes to fish WITH HIS HANDS. he calls it noodleing. he sticks his fingers under rocks and stuff, and wiggles his fingers, and then cat fish will actually try and EAT his hand/fingers, and then he pulls em out, and throws em on land, he is so savage, i wanna be just like him someday, except, without the crossdressing, and the one eyed wife. lol.

[ghandi]

I gotta say that story scared me ever so slightly...

[graymatter]

When I was a little bit younger there was this woman that lived at the end of my street. She had been born with a rare deformity of the face in which her left eye was an actual small vagina. We used to call her "Ol' pussy eye" or "Magnum P.I" for short.
She used to sell some of us kids that lived round there Xanexs. Sometimes we would go over there and drink beers and stuff. It was weird but kinda cool cause she'd let us get as fucked up as we wanted to. One time she let one of my buddies stick his finger all the way in her eye. We had dared him to ask her before we went there that day. That shit was gross! She actually used to date this old man that lived behind her in the woods named "Gary".
Gary was a Vietnam War veteran that claimed he used to walk "point" for his platoon. Basically "walking point" is where one man walks several yards ahead of his squad in order to sniff out booby traps or hidden attacks. He said he was always armed with a 12 guage sawed off shotgun and had literally foiled many suprise attacks by "blowing apart" the enemy......
Gary also told us he was so good that his platoon leader started recruiting him for secret one-man missions in which he would sneak into Vietnamese camps and slit generals necks while they slept. One night when we were really drunk, he went as far to say that he got to be soooo good at that, that he could actually fuck someone in their ass before they had time to die.......
This really freaked me the fuck out.
I used to see Gary walking to her house sometimes dressed in full drag. Wig, dress, lipstick, and the whole 9.........
He said the U.S government had been after him for years because of "top secret" information that he still knew.
I guess they made a good couple.
The thing that used to really freak all of us out though was the lady's pet mutant turtle......
Not the kind from the cartoon, but a real life mutant turtle she kept in a 85 gallon aquarium she had in the living room.
Now that I think about it, it did kind of look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, just without the weapons and ninja shit on.
But, it walked on two feet just like the cartoons and was really buff and strong.... It was about the size of one of the TMNT's figurines too. You know, kinda small and shit.
She had one of those big porceline castles in the aquarium that it used to live in. I only saw that fucker a couple of times, but when I did, it scared the hell outta me. This lady must've had like a hunded fish in the tank too. Mean fuckers like Jack Dempsys and big African Cichlids. I saw that damned turtle grab one of the Cichlids one time with its bare hands and eat that fucker. Scared the fuck outta me!!! She told us it did it whenever it got hungry and that's why she kept so many fish in there.
After I moved away, I heard that turtle got pissed one night and punched a hole through the glass and escaped. Shortly after, a neighborhood kid vanished and was never seen again. Everybody says the turtle did it.
I also heard Gary flipped out one night and burned the house down while him and her were inside of it.
I don't know, I haven't been down there in a long time......

discuss?

Discuss? Hell no! Keep writing. Great storytelling. What happens next?

[likemclever]

ROFLâ?¦thatâ??s a great storyâ?¦.(true my ass)

I thought you were gonna tell me Gary used to skull fuck herâ?¦.roflmao

The noodleing part is actually trueâ?¦.and yeah people who do it are crazy mother fuckers. (hillbillys and rednecks mostly)


If you go fishing..I WANT PICTURES.

great story