I agree with Munchee. And if you haven't already signed off and quit this conversaton, take heart. It sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing already--examining your conscience and your motivations and re-evaluating your actions before next time. We all make mistakes, and no one's behavior is flawless 100% of the time, no matter what we've vowed in the past. You're not giving yourself much of a break. And it sounds like you could use one. Hope you feel better soon!