What you described is what many men have gone through with women.

I can relate to everything your saying and Im sure most guys can. I resolved my self to a way of thinking about relationships when they are over some time ago.

My view about getting back together is that you can't go back. Because when you go back, you go back to a dirty slate. There is only now and the future. It doesnt work in Hollywood and with anyone else. What is done is done. If you go back:

1. She will get rid of you (again).
2. She hasn't changed.
3. She will hurt you some more.

You have given too much. Once you cross that point it cant be taken back.
There is no reason why she couldnt be the one obsessed with you and not the other way around from having done things differently.

Love is based on instinct not logic. You would think that if you bare your soul and tell her how much you love her that it would logically it would be reciprocated.

It doesnt work that way. I found this out 15 years ago doing what you have done.

What she wanted, based on instinct, was to be emotionally challenged in order to make that relationship move forward.

You did the opposite by telling her how much you love her. You inadvertantly caved in and spilled your guts. That is not what she needed from you. It is surely how you felt and I can understand that.

Contrary to thought openess with your negatives in a relationship does not build intimacy , it kills it. Be honest. But be very, very careful about openess and what you share. Save the negatives for your buddies or your dog and keep the positive side open for the girl. Too much negative soul bearing is a heavy emotion that women will want to get away from. Keep it light by sharing the positives.

In this process you have given away your most valuble male strengths that she needed from you the most.

CONFIDENCE, CHALLENGE AND SELF-CONTROL.

A man must have these things constantly, even the married man. Challenge applys both emotionally and sexually. Sexually you can not be the one who intiates sex 80-90 percent of the time like most men do. Doing this lowers your sexual value. She has to feel in these two ways that she has had to work for it.

Do you value a rolex watch if a bum on the street tries to sell it to you in a persistant manner, or do you value the watch more if you worked for the money, drove to the store, where its displayed under glass and fancy lights and a man in a suit lets you hold it momentarily, then taking it back while you decide.

The watch in both scenarios is the same exact watch. It has value because you had to work for it.

You have given up your sexual value in this process, or your availablity perception. Even a married man can project sexual value to women and create a perception in his wife without him crossing that line.

In a womans eyes if a man does not respect himself or you take her back when she pulls a no-no, she has disrespected you. If you dont call her on it on the spot or draw that imaginary line in the sand verbally or non-verbally she will do it again and again. Even the nicest, sweetest girls will test your self respect to find these boundaries.

She was testing your strengths. She needs something solid phsycologically to push up against and that means you have to have the fortitude to walk and mean it. She needed to see that you could live just fine without her early on.

You have to incorporate the word NO into your vocabulary especially with beautiful women who arent used to hearing it. They need to hear this more than anything. Say the word NO when you mean it. It shows you respect yourself.

No respect for self = no love. That is how women see it.

In order to inspire her you need to:

1. Respect yourself
2. honor and value yourself.
3. Love yourself.

All women will not, and are not obligated to feel these things for you- even one that has entered into a relationship with you.

She can only get from you what you got from you. Make sense?

You have to be complete and happy within yourself first and not rely on a woman to make you complete or be incomplete without her.

This is the quality of independence. It is one thing that attracts women and keeps them attracted along with the three traits listed. You want her emotionally dependent on you. Not you on her.

Otherwise the sense of "need" will repulse her and push her away. She will view this as "clinging" or being "hung-up". It turns her off and makes her feel obligated to your feelings.

A woman that was getting ready to leave me once said to me,

"Dont worry, youll find someone in the future"

What she was really needing, and I didnt realize at the time, was a sense of independence from me. It was an availability perception as well. This is how attraction and love works. I now know I could have turned that situation around.

Persistance is thinly disguised as desperation and pushiness just like the bum who tries to sell you the rolex watch.

Never over-pursue if your desire is to bring out the result you hope for. Remember the women that will be more sexually aggressive towards you will be the women that you pursue the least. Plain and simple. It will be that way till the end of time.

The idea that she is the "one"

If you possess any thought that she is made for you and only you, you are in trouble. If you believe in soul mates or you possess the thinking that she is the only one for you, hang it up now. You probably have already done some hard to reverse phsychology programming that puts you at a severe disadvantage. This is tough I know. But you can change this widely held philosophy that is anti-seductive.


On the other hand take a look at this.

If you are under the mindset that if this doesnt work out, then you will just find someone else, you are less likely to put up with nonsense and you are less likely to have moments of desperation, (M.O.D.).

Think of m.o.d. as a temporary disease state. You control this or you can let it control you.

Plus you are more likely to project a positive, sexy, self-assured attitude. The guy that has the ability to inspire women when he chooses to has 100 times more sexual value than the dreamy guy that thinks he found his lucky girl.

Some men will never admit that the things they do send the message of desperation. Most guys clear themselves of being desperate by comparing themselves to guys that act MORE desperate which creates the illusion they dont fall into this catagory.

For some guys acting desperate is a lifestyle, and for others its a single event.

I could list many things the average self-assured male does in a single event that instantly sends the message that he is desperate. It is more important to know the thinking process that leads to acting that way, it is the precursor to the behavior of silently acting that way, or moments of desperation. Bottom line. It turns her off.

This is why those feelings change so quick.

If she was "confused" what she needed was for you to walk, and be independent to make up her mind for her. This is where patience is key, an aspect of (self-control). Let her come to you.

Increase your sexual value and date several more women and send that message that you dont need her. If you were emotionally supportive, and she was emotionally dependent on you, and not the other way around and she sees that risk of loosing that to another woman, she will most likely pursue YOU.

Right now the only thing that bothers me is you saying that you are not confindent. Confidence is comprised of self-esteem. When your running negative script in your head the conscious mind can only deliver what the subconscious mind has told it. If you say this, it will be true and reflect in your body language.

Never, ever tell yourself you are not confident. Period. That is your right.

If any thought of desperation, or thought of not being confident comes into your head, you immediatly red tag it and get rid of it.

I dont care if you have to act it, fake it or grow it. Thats an order!
So get your chin up, pull your shoulders back, standup straight, look forward, walk slightly fast, dress well and have a can-do atttitude.

Its time to let her go. I have been there. All guys have been there. So dont think that your the only one on the planet that this has happen to.

Start dating again as soon as possible. Keep all this in the past and dont share any negatives about any of this with the new girl. Clean slate.

Just learn from the mistakes made.

Take care.