cant get her out of my head

[shoi]

^^^^
great read

[narcoticrex]

thanks ganjasaurus, a lot of what you say makes sense.

to all the people suggesting therapy....jesus, im not sitting outside her house with binoculars waiting for her to leave so i can steal her pair of panties. am i obsessed with her? probably, but i dare any of you to absolutely give everything you have to someone for 5 years, then just say "oh well, that didnt work...lets try again!" which is why i titled this post "cant get her out of my head".

there is a ton to the story that i left out (obviously) that makes it a little different...for example, she was the one obsessed with me. she needed to be around me every hour of every day, needed my constant reassurance, constantly needed me to tell her i love, and i did all those things. in return, she made me feel good. it feels good to have someone accept you and love you does it not?

i dont think she "was on the fence", i mean i KNOW this chick was head over heels for me. she had problems too, but what im saying is i compounded those problems so much that it became unworkable. and i blame myself for a lot of that! and like ganjasaurus said, you cant just "go back" because its a dirty slate, you can never "just forgive and forget", its always there.

ganjasaurs, as you say with the respect issue, i completely agree there - when i was with her, chicks were always digging me, thats because i was self-confident, and (i think the big secret) i really didnt want to have sex with them...i was with someone. women sense when you dont want them and that makes them want you for some reason. and additionally, the respect for myself was a major reason for the arguments - i basically told her she was out of line and needed to shape up, and instead, after a while she decided to just ship out. which i was fine with, for a little while, until i started to talk to other girls, and realized that (women dont get me wrong, i am NOT a male chauvinist) 98% of women are materialistic, less intelligent than me, uninteresting, or they are crazier than me or into heavier drugs than i am. thats why i miss her so damn much, so was right on my wavelength, that not many people are. ganjasaurus said i may have been too open...i dont agree with that. i would prefer to tell me lover anything and everything over my dog or my best friend. i dont make love to my dog or my best friend.

as far as other girls, ive had some other short relationships since her, and they are just unsatisfying...i found this one girl more attractive than my ex, and i ended up fucking her and being completely turned off, when she said "cum in me daddy!" i was like "we're done here" lol Lo Pan said it best "There have been others, to be sure, but you seem to be one who would know of the difficulties between men and women." : )

[narcoticrex]

And another thing: how can people be so blase about love and relationships, and sex even? maybe im just old fashioned, but i believe that if you are going to have sex with someone, its the ultimate gift you give them...its a part of yourself, of your essence, so its not something to be played with (like i see every weekend at the meat market bars, these people are disgusting, and i dont want to be with someone that 2 weeks ago i saw grinding on 5 different guys).

my first serious girlfriend, from when i was 18-21, i still love that girl with all my heart, and think about her from time to time. i mean, does that mean im obsessed with her? i havent talked to her in goddamn near a decade since i dumped her, but i still love her...i mean i wouldnt get back with her if she called, but i gave myself to her for a long time. make sense?

maybe that just why im different.

[Ganjasaurusrex]

thanks ganjasaurus, a lot of what you say makes sense.

to all the people suggesting therapy....jesus, im not sitting outside her house with binoculars waiting for her to leave so i can steal her pair of panties. am i obsessed with her? probably, but i dare any of you to absolutely give everything you have to someone for 5 years, then just say "oh well, that didnt work...lets try again!" which is why i titled this post "cant get her out of my head".

there is a ton to the story that i left out (obviously) that makes it a little different...for example, she was the one obsessed with me. she needed to be around me every hour of every day, needed my constant reassurance, constantly needed me to tell her i love, and i did all those things. in return, she made me feel good. it feels good to have someone accept you and love you does it not?

i dont think she "was on the fence", i mean i KNOW this chick was head over heels for me. she had problems too, but what im saying is i compounded those problems so much that it became unworkable. and i blame myself for a lot of that! and like ganjasaurus said, you cant just "go back" because its a dirty slate, you can never "just forgive and forget", its always there.

ganjasaurs, as you say with the respect issue, i completely agree there - when i was with her, chicks were always digging me, thats because i was self-confident, and (i think the big secret) i really didnt want to have sex with them...i was with someone. women sense when you dont want them and that makes them want you for some reason. and additionally, the respect for myself was a major reason for the arguments - i basically told her she was out of line and needed to shape up, and instead, after a while she decided to just ship out. which i was fine with, for a little while, until i started to talk to other girls, and realized that (women dont get me wrong, i am NOT a male chauvinist) 98% of women are materialistic, less intelligent than me, uninteresting, or they are crazier than me or into heavier drugs than i am. thats why i miss her so damn much, so was right on my wavelength, that not many people are. ganjasaurus said i may have been too open...i dont agree with that. i would prefer to tell me lover anything and everything over my dog or my best friend. i dont make love to my dog or my best friend.

as far as other girls, ive had some other short relationships since her, and they are just unsatisfying...i found this one girl more attractive than my ex, and i ended up fucking her and being completely turned off, when she said "cum in me daddy!" i was like "we're done here" lol Lo Pan said it best "There have been others, to be sure, but you seem to be one who would know of the difficulties between men and women." : )

I understand that you were in a relationship for 6 years and I thought about that. Obviously there was a whole lot there that cant be written in a 20 minute blog.

If I could just clear one thing up concerning the "share the negatives with your buddies or your dog"

This is not to say you did this. But this is a common mistake and thats why I threw it out there using a metaphor like I did.

My grandmother had a saying.


"If you turn your lover into your phsycologist she will love you like a mother and not a lover".


There is alot of wisdom in that.


This is a prime example of one of the reasons a woman will not want to have sex with her man anymore and lose interest in him altogether.

Ive seen this happen so many times when guys use their women as emotional one-way gas stations. Yet they dont have a clue about how to be emotionally supportive themselves.

Once again Im not saying you did this, only to say its a common mistake men make to constantly unload on the woman. She will get tired of it.

Of course you are going to go through the good and the bad together. I understand, and understand that is part of intimacy.

Me personally, if things are going shitty at work or something, I just need a little time by myself to mull things over and then I am ready to relate again, as opposed to laying that on her. Its that trivial b.s. that I am talking about.


If that just means going on a hike with my dog. Thats all I need.
Im sure most guys can relate to just being alone for a spell to work it out themselves. We always come back to our center.

For a woman its different. She definently needs the emotional support of a man. That is one of the most important things you have to offer. She cant just mull things over alone like a man. It has to be talked out. Then she will feel understood if you have taken time to be a good reflective listener and not a her problem solver.


Just thought Id clarify what I meant by that. Sometimes a phrase may be taken the wrong way. I didnt mean literally to go have a relationship with your buddies or your dog.


Have a good one.

[psychopixi]

My grandmother had a saying.
"If you turn your lover into your psychologist she will love you like a mother and not a lover".
There is alot of wisdom in that. This is a prime example of one of the reasons a woman will not want to have sex with her man anymore and lose interest in him altogether.

Your grandmother was definitely right about this one. It's not easy to feel passionate about someone when you spend half your time tending to their problems and cleaning up after them.

[narcoticrex]

My grandmother had a saying.
"If you turn your lover into your psychologist she will love you like a mother and not a lover".
There is alot of wisdom in that. This is a prime example of one of the reasons a woman will not want to have sex with her man anymore and lose interest in him altogether.]

Your grandmother was definitely right about this one. It's not easy to feel passionate about someone when you spend half your time tending to their problems and cleaning up after them.

see, i feel completely opposite of that...if i cant open up to someone, i dont want to make love to her, she HAS to know where im coming from for me to be attracted to her. i guess i am crazy.

it seems to me like women are always bitching that they cant find a guy that is truthful, open and honest with them...and yet they continue to go after the assholes : ) gotta love it, the rules are set in opposition.

[harmonicminor]

hey bro,
my ex wife left me. at first I was lost but then I decided to think positive about myself. That is important. I decided to start doing things I wasnt able to when I was married. I decided to have fun. I dated a few girls here and there. Hey even if you dont love the girl your dating you still have needs right? The right girl may come along for you. My feelings for my ex eventually passed
now I feel nothing for her :-)
but most important dont drink just smoke :-) it gives you a different perspective on things while alcohol can make you a sad drunk