Do I pray? Do I go to the doctors? Do I tell my shrink all of this?

[beachguy in thongs]

I learned of suicide through my peers and I'm sure that most of you have, also. Just remember that your peers haven't made it as far in life as your grandmother. If anyone wants to commit suicide, they need a note from their grandmother, first.

Wow, I've never been suicidal. I got my head stuck in a bucket once, if that counts.

I saw, last night, on America's Funniest Home Videos, on WGN, a video of a young kid with his head stuck in his mailbox. His father was there, trying to help, and a car passed by.

Man, do I wish I was in the backseat.