Trauma from death experiences work a little funny. It hits extremely hard at first, but can ultimately be supressed for a time. You 'will' have to deal with this Sober, and it won't be easy. But after do, you will be able to live with it, and maybe even find a little peace. It will probably be a slow process, but it 'will' pass in time.

Not to change the subject, but my 30 year old brother died not too long ago, but I've been able to work it out. Granted, he wasn't shot point blank in front of me, but the death of someone you love (No matter how they go) is hard. Truama, and saddness (Maybe anger) is was you have to face right now, and I know a little about that.

I don't talk about this, (At all) but I killed an 80 year old man when I was 19, and the truama nearly killed 'Me'. It was an accident, but a man died because of me. I still think about it from time to time, but I've mostly let it go, and dealt with the truama from that experience. It wasn't easy, though.

After it happened, my entire family came over to comfort me, but I didn't want to talk about it, or be around them; I ended up going to my girlfriends house (Who knew nothing) and spent the night with her. (She only found out the next day.) It was nice to remove myself from it all for a while, because it certainly helped; my nerves benefited the most, as this gave me a chance to supress it for a while, and it allowed me to get myself together.

Don't keep boozing it up, bro...it will only make it worse when you come down. This is exactly what I did when my brother died, and it scared the hell out of my mother. I ended up writing about a night I had after he died, and it helped. (A little) I know you like to rhyme, so perhaps puting it all on paper may help you?

Can I share something with you, man? I think I can relate to your condition,(In a way) and want to share what I wrote about my brother, and a whiskey night in pain.

'I Loved Him Too'

The bottle beside my bed
taunts my anguish.

The gun pressed firmly against my temple
longs to reunite.

The race is not yet over,
but it could be with a twitch of my finger.
Then, I could join my brother,
and together we could face the other side.

Is it fair for any to go alone?
The great unknown intrigues my curiosity...

Does he need me by his side?

In a fit of drunken rage,
I pull the trigger!
The gun now pointed at the bottle
beside my bed.

Mother runs in screaming.
She seeâ??s me on my knees...
howling at the absent moon.

I look in her eyes...
I break down crying.
Terrified and shaking,
she says to me:

â??Jamie, I loved him, tooâ?

Alcohol makes you do stupid things, and it sometimes makes you focus on what's hurting the most. I nearly took my life that night (Drunk) and I scared the absolute piss out of my mother. You're probably angry as well, and you should know that "anger and alcohol DON'T MIX!"

What I did after I 'accidentaly' killed that old man works much better, bro. Spend your time with someone you love! Then deal with it slowly (daily) until the pain is nearly gone... It does go away, (Mostly)

You just have to give it some time.

Much Love, bro!