i know how that is its hard to see...i seen my best friend shot in the head by a drive by right as i was about to cross the street and talk to him he was alot of a better guy than i am and it wasnt right when i think about it all the stuff ive done and been through it should have been me but all i can tell you is that nothing is going to help drugs/alchohol anything i chose a different path to cure it but thats in the past...stay strong man