OMG i am pretty high right now
his shit is so HILARIOUS
omg
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedburg

At a stoplight, green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. For a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go right ahead, and red means, dude, where the fuck did you get that banana at?

I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude â?? you have to wait!"

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I like the hotels that have the rotating restaurants, you know? I've never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.

Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cuz dude didn't even get his degree. Why did you have to drop out of school and start making pop so soon?

I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

post your favorites

and for peeps taht dont know him
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedburg

and heres something else funny

http://www.eng.usf.edu/~dionson/ezzay/

RIP MITCH HEDBERG
da haze meister Reviewed by da haze meister on . Mitch Hedberg OMG i am pretty high right now his shit is so HILARIOUS omg http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedburg At a stoplight, green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. For a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go right ahead, and red means, dude, where the fuck did you get that banana at? I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude â?? you have to wait!" I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in Rating: 5